Today is a day of somewhat uncertainty in our house. I can't go into details, but I will say that I have been in prayer about this day for almost a year, and it is my faith that has gotten us through this far in the foster world. I'd like to tell you it's all roses all the time, but being in foster care is often full of uncertainty. If you're not careful you can really let the uncertainty turn to fear and take over. There is a certain amount of unsettledness every time we have to go through these things, but honestly, I have gotten the same answer in prayer over and over and over. So while I'm going through the motions I'm not really worried. I have felt that this was all decided a long time ago and that hasn't changed. If I didn't have my faith I'd be an emotional mess.
Thanksgiving at our house was a little different this year. We went to the Thanksgiving service at church for the first time. We never go because we're busy cooking etc. Well, this year we decided we just plain wanted to go and the food could wait. And you know what? It was FINE ;) I spent the service in prayer of Thanksgiving to God purposing to not ask for a thing and was moved to tears several times as I thought over all of the things I have to be Thankful for. I have many trials in my life, just like everyone else, but my faith in God keeps a smile on my face through these trials.
I have a lot of family who are not believers. It's hard to balance with them sometimes. My Dad was particularly ruffled because we had gone to church on Thanksgiving. I'm not really sure why. I don't Bible beat him, or even bring it up most of the time. But for some reason he was ruffled this day. As I navigated through the landmine of a conversation I really found myself feeling bad for him. I did get a bit irritated and hurt, but didn't let him know, but mostly I got sad for him. His life experiences and his reactions to them have brought him to the place he is and that is a place that is very lonely and void of hope. He's angry a lot, not at anyone person, just at life in general, and it shows in his demeanor sometimes. It really is sad. He is my Daddy, the one who stepped in and took care of me when he didn't have to. I owe so much to this man, and have such love and respect and adoration for him. It hurts me to see him unhappy. This conversation really hammered home how important my faith is to me. He doesn't have it, and I see it play out in his life daily. His outlook on life and mine are so different. The richness of our lives is so different. If I lived in such a faith starved world as he does I would be bitter and ornery a lot too! The hardest part? There is no telling him about God, or what God has done for me- or him. He won't hear it. So all I can do is watch him live out his life like this. I'm in prayer for him constantly, and I try to be a good example for him, and hope that one day he'll turn a corner. Not for me, not because I'm "righteous" or "have it all together", but because I believe his life will be so much richer if he does.
So, today I am so thankful for my faith, and the richness of my life lived out through that faith.
This post is linked to Heavenly Homemaker for GratiTuesday.