Simple Gospel

Simple Gospel by United Pursuit

I want to know you, Lord
Like I know a friend
I want to know you, Lord

It's Monday and time to start our week of right with focusing our minds where they are best suited to be focused.  Did you have a busy weekend?  I are you still feeling tired, or not enough?

I want to know you, Lord
Like I know a friend
I want to know you, Lord

I've talked a lot lately about where we get our identity from, and how the world affects what we believe in our core.  It happens so easily, so quickly.  We can take our eyes off of heaven for just a moment and we forget who we are and whose we are.  But I'm here to tell you that no matter what that inner tape says, God wants you to come to Him.  He wants you to pursue Him.

So I’m laying down all my religion
I’m laying down
I want to know you, Lord

I'm not talking about sitting in church on Sundays.  Although I do think that's important, I do not believe it really defines your relationship with our Savior.  I also do not believe that it matters which pew you sit in, or which steeple you worship under on Sunday mornings.  If God desired us to worship all the same, he would have created the desire for the same type of worship in each of us.  But He created us creatively, and we enjoy different styles of worship.  The different denominations and worship styles give us that variety.

I use to think that I could box you in
But I’m laying down
I want to know you, Lord

One of my favorite phrases is "Don't put God in a box".  We cry out to God in prayer for things and then, when He doesn't respond in the way we hoped we think He didn't respond.  There's no trust in that.  When we pray, we ought to pray God's Will above all else.  It's so hard to let go of control, because as humans, we see things the way we see them, and as God, He sees them how He sees them.  Sometimes, we don't see the answers He does.  We also underestimate His power.  Or, His concern.  Do you know that God can do anything?  Do you know that He cares for the intimate details of your life?  Do you know that He cares for you even when, and perhaps especially when you don't measure up?

Lord, I’ve been told to be ashamed
Lord, I’ve been told I don’t measure up
Lord, I’ve been told I’m not good enough
But you’re here with me

How often do we do this?  We say you must belong to this church, or act this way, or serve this much for God to work in our lives.  This is not what God desires for us.  What God desires is relationship with Him..... and not just our relationship with Him..... How we see our relationship with Him affects how others see Him.  We are called to bring people to our Loving Christ.  When we expect so much to be able to even enter the presence of God, how does that draw others to our savior?

I reach out and you find me in the dust
You say no amount of untruths can separate us

I have a lot of struggles myself with where the lines are, but one thing I know, is that I am far from perfect.  I reach out to God and He meets me where I am.  I do not have to get my act together to reach out to Him.  I don't even have to stop my sinful behavior.  I simply need to reach for Him.  And through that reaching, He will change me from the inside out.

I will rejoice in the simple gospel
I will rejoice in you, Lord

It really is simple. We just have to let it be.

Love, Semalee

Thursday Thoughts: The Comparison Trap

Recently I've taken a break from social media.  It's now been more than a month that I've been off social media and I've learned a few things.

It's all too easy to get caught up in the world of social media and forget that what goes on there is pretty far from reality.  I know that it is a way to keep in touch with people, but how often do we use it as a crutch to believe that we are staying in touch, when really we aren't.  We're just looking in on someone's life, but still keeping a distance.  There's not a place on our Facebook wall where we can sit together and talk about the things that really are bothering us.

What really got me convicted to take a break was the change I was seeing in myself.  I have always been a person who truly enjoys seeing my friends have a good time, even when it didn't include me. It really has been a thing that doesn't bother me.  But lately, I find myself in a sort of "in between" stage.  I think it has some to do with the fact that I have adult children and teen age children and young children.  Because of this dynamic, I often don't feel like I truly "fit" with any group. My friends who have children my adult children's ages are now entering the empty nest time in their lives and don't have the worries of the 7 and 8 year old life that we do.  My friends who have young kids my Littles' ages are much younger than we are and have a totally different take on many things as a result.  I have some friends who have teenage kids, but the teenage years are so difficult with time being so scarce that there's not a lot of room to connect there either.

And, I'm also finding that being a mom of adult kids who are going out into the world and living their own lives is much harder than I anticipated.  So much of my life has been all about them, and now their lives are (rightfully so) not about me.  I miss my boys.

These things have worked together to knock down my self esteem a bit.  As this has happened, I've begun looking at Facebook differently.  I've noticed more where I don't seem to stack up to others.  My friends get together and instead of me being happy about it for them, I'm feeling sorry for myself, and wondering why I wasn't invited.  I've lost my sense of true identity, because I allowed Facebook/Instagram/SnapChat etc to define it for me instead of the One who truly loves me and knows me.

I was reading a devotional in the Bible app recently called "People of the Second Chance".  There was a quote in there that really hit me to the core, and I think it is well worth repeating.  It was, "My truest, nonnegotiable identity is the beloved.  And in spite of my checkered past, my fabulous flops, my painful history, my deepest flaws, my boneheaded screw-ups, and yes, even beyond my own beliefs about myself, I am God's beloved.  This is my foundational identity of every human being.

"This is important because identity is the engine that dries the relationship not only with ourselves, but also with God and others.  If your identity is broken, your life is broken.  If you define it incorrectly, you will carry that wrong definition into your story.  if all you see are your limitations, you will miss out on the stunning possibilities God is creating in front of you."  I assume more can be found in his book, People of the Second Chance: A Guide to Bringing Life-Saving Love to the World

This really spoke to me, though.  You see, one thing I will never claim to be is perfect.  One thing I do not have is "it all together".  I'm just like any other wife and mom out there who spends time bouncing between overwhelmed and barely getting by most of the time.  I have deep regrets as a mom, things I wish I could do over, ways I wish I could better show my kids how much I love them.  I have deep regrets as a wife, ways that I have not been a good partner to my husband, times when I didn't give him the grace he deserved.  I have deep regrets as a child, things I've said, and ways I've acted out towards my parents, and most particularly my mother.  I have failed in many ways at being a good friend, too.  I've said things that hurt my friends, that were not intended to do so, but still did.  You can't unsay things once they've been said.  All of these people are people who I love so dearly, yet I have made mistakes.  And now, as a mother in law, I find myself failing in many ways there too. I am human.  I am far from perfect.  And the people who I love are also human.  We fail.  All of us.  It's just one of the reasons we need God so much.  Because, we need to know in our deepest darkest failings that our core identity has not changed.  We are Beloved.

So, for now, I will keep my eyes less on the things on social media and more on the things in my Bible.  I will spend the month of November as I have for many years, remembering what I'm grateful for, and not what I lack.  I will do my best to forgive others when they are human and I will also try to forgive myself.  I will try to see the world with the eyes of Jesus, and see the wonder of it all.

What about you?  Do you find yourself getting caught up in the comparison trap of social media?  Do you need to take time to refocus as well?  What are ways you keep yourself in check?

Love, Semalee

God Can Make Your Past Give Someone Else a Future

"God can make your past give someone else a future"...... 

Christine Caine said those words last night at a concert I attended with 3 dear friends of mine.  Christine Caine and Kari Jobe were both there for their #LiveUnashamed tour.  This night was absolutely overwhelming.  I went expecting a good concert, and a worship experience, but I did not expect to be completely overwhelmed by God.  By the end of the night I was exhausted, but cleansed.

Many of you know I have had a LOT going on over the past few years.  And, specifically in the last 5 months a WHOLE LOT.  People ask me all the time things like, "How are you even surviving?" or say things like,  "I don't know how you get everything done," and I don't actually know the answer for them......  or I didn't....   But, last night Kari Jobe and Christine Caine had a question and answer session before the concert began, and someone asked them the same question- "How do you fit it all in?"  The answer was so simple: 

When God calls you to something, He will give you supernatural power to achieve it.

Long ago God called me to be a mother.  At first, it was just to my oldest son Auston, and then my son Gregory, and that was the biggest joy of my life.  Growing up with a mother who was unable to connect with me for various reasons left me feeling alone a LOT of the time.  Do not misunderstand me, my mother loved me, but we are unable to communicate with one another.  As I grew into an adult the division only became worse.  My mother fights battles that I don't know, and it is very sad.  There is a lot of pain over the years.  Over time that pain became too wide and our relationship with each other all but stopped.  Let me say this, there is never a time in a woman's life when she doesn't need her mom.  You don't grow up and stop needing your mom.  If there's a breakdown, no matter how much pain is there, it still doesn't change anything, you still want your mom.  I lost my mom very close to 15 years ago.  Some days it feels like yesterday, and others it feels like a lifetime.  I do not understand why we had to lose each other.  If I had my choice, it would not be this way.  And before you go thinking it can't happen to you, or that my mom must be some kind of monster, let me assure you she isn't.  She is a wonderful counselor who has helped many, many people, and specifically helped literally hundreds of women escape and heal from Domestic Violence situations.  Many people credit her with saving their life, and they should.  She is absolutely amazing at what she does.

So, why?  There are so many things in this life that we will simply not know the answer to.  I will say, that that void in my life as produced a lot of fruit though. 

"You planned something bad for me, but God produced something good from it, in order to save the lives of many people, just as he's doing today" Genesis 50:20 CEB

Through this brokenness I've learned to truly lean on God.  He is the ONE who sustains me when people fail.  and they do.  I've learned to give love when it hurts.  I've learned about walking away in love.  I've had to trust God and let go.

The disintegration of my relationship with my mother left me with an empty hole, love that had no where to go.  Here we were, living the life, 2 fantastic boys, happy marriage, house, car etc.  We had everything we could want.  But I had an emptiness.  So, I began crying out to God.  And, He told me that we should foster children.  He showed me that there are so many children out there who for one reason or another are not receiving the love they need from their mother just like me.  And, if I could make a difference in just one of their lives, show them God's love, it might help us both.

So, we became licensed for foster care.  And shortly after adopted 2 children....  Well, I say shortly, it was over a couple of years...

And, I began to see the fruits of what Christine Caine said last night: 

"God can make your past give someone else a future"...... 

It's work.  It doesn't come easily.  It's messy.  It's beautiful.

Then, in January of this year we became the proud parents to two more children...

"God can make your past give someone else a future"...... 

Every morning I get up and I'm mom to 6 kids.  It is exhausting.  It's scary.  It's overwhelming.  It's my calling.  I know each day how important it is to be fully engaged (and I fail All.THE.TIME), and I know how much these kids need me.  I know, because I know what it's like to lose your mom.  And I know how it hurts.  And how the hurt never goes away.  But I also know God is the ultimate healer and he will redeem even this in their lives as well.

When we go through hard things we often cry out to God to ask Him to stop the hard things.  Maybe we're doing it wrong.  Maybe we need to let the hard things come, and cry out to God, "God, how would you use this to give someone else a future?".

Love, Semalee

2011- A Recap!

It’s that time….  Time to start thinking about resolutions again…  but before looking forward, it’s always a good idea to examine from where we came…..

I’ve done this for a few years now…  Here are the recaps for 2010, 2009, and 2008 if you’re interested….  It’s fun to look back and see what I had to say about those years and how much our lives have changed since then!

So, in 2011 we had many exciting things happen,  here’s my recap:

January: 

January began with the anticipation of finalizing our adoptions.  We had just finalized other aspects in court at the end of December, so now we were looking forward to having the CPS chapter of our lives over with.  Shea turned 2 in January, and became even more active and busy than she was before.  People say of their children, “They’re 2 going on 20”…  Well….  Shea actually IS “2 going on 20”.  She’s going to rule the world some day.  Does this give you a bit of a picture of “Shea Speed”?

February:

In February our daughter by heart, Heather, came to stay with us for a little while, before finding out she was pregnant.  She then decided to move in with her sister.  We continued on with the many CPS and ECI visits on our adoption journey.  It seemed that our schedule was only getting more and more full…..

March:

In March Michael was asked to be on the Discovery Team for the church.  Discovery is a spiritual retreat the church puts on every year designed to help you grow deeper in your faith.  It was a big, big commitment, but when Discovery took place in April I think we could all agree it was life changing for the team as well as the pilgrims.  I’m so glad he got to do this.  We also got word from the County that Michael’s department was going to face a major budget cut, including lay offs and pay cuts.  Michael was able to keep his job, but he was reduced to 32 hours a week (resulting in a 20% pay cut), and his schedule was changed.  It was quite frightening knowing our budget was already stretched, and that once the babies were adopted we’d no long receive foster money either, resulting in an even deeper cut.  But, we took the news by hitting our knees in prayer, and, I’m proud to say we made it through.  It wasn’t until December that his pay was reinstated, but God provided for us every step of the way.  Also in March Auston found out that he was elected to the Order of the Arrow in Boy Scouts, which was quite an honor.

April:

In April Auston and Gregory attended a Teen Pact Class in Austin, for which they needed a suit…  They look sharp, huh?

Also in April I was helping Michelle out by watching her kids, here they are in front of the cross on Easter at the church.  It was a bit of an adjustment to have 6 children instead of 4 in tow many days, but I wouldn’t trade the time I got to spend with them, and they with each other.  I knew I couldn’t do it for long, so I just tried to enjoy them while I had them until Michelle found another babysitter. 

May:

In May, Gregory graduated from the Encourager Homeschool Enrichment Program, and turned 12, and was elected Senior Patrol Leader of the troop, Auston completed his Ordeal for the completion of is election into the Order of the Arrow, and was elected Assistant Senior Patrol Leader for the troop, and Calley graduated from Midland Lee High School with HIGH honors.  It was a very very busy month! 

June:

June… Oh June….  In June our family was finalized.  We are now officially Shea and William’s forever family and they ours.  June holds a major importance in our lives now.  It was an incredible way to start the summer

We could not believe how many people came out to our adoption to celebrate our family.  It was amazing to see that these people love our children as much as we do and were just as happy for us.  Really.  Words can’t describe how much it meant to us to have everyone there.  It made the day what it was supposed to be.  About community and love.  And sharing that love.

Seriously.  Do you see how many people were there to support us?  Could we be any luckier?  Even the judge was taken a back by the volume of people….

We are sooooo blessed….

It was a good day

Also in June, Semalee’s Oma, Lois Cook passed away.  She is dearly missed.

July:

In July Semalee went to Boy Scout Summer Camp with the boys again.  This year we headed back to Oklahoma, to Camp Hale.  It was an eventful trip, to say the least, complete with a broken down trailer and 3 out of 4 of the adults getting the flu the last night there and driving home sick…..  Blech….  Again I say, if they say I wasn’t a good mom, they need to read these recaps….    We also had a party to celebrate the adoptions, and had a special service at our church.  It was strange to realize that at that service the adoptions felt so much more real to us then they did in court.  We are so blessed by our church family as well. 

As if that wasn’t enough, Michael and I celebrated 15 years of marriage.  Weird to think after all this time I still love him with everything in me, and even weirder that he still loves me

August:

In August Auston spent 2 weeks at Camp Eagle as part of the service team.  It was sooooo weird to have him gone for that long.  And when he came back he was quite different.  My boy is growing up so fast.  The rest of us just tried to relax as best as we could, and started preparing for the school year.  Auston is doing 10th grade and Gregory is doing a majority of work from 8th grade…

September:

Mikey turned 40 in September…  FORTY….  Man he’s old~!!!!    I did not make this cake, my friend Terri did, and she did a great job.  We spent September getting ready for Terri’s wedding and settling into school for the year.  I made the wedding cake for Terri and Jeff’s wedding.  While I was happy with how it turned out, I’m not interested in making another wedding cake…… ever……

Michael was spoiled with a birthday MONTH instead of just one lousy day

October:

And in a blink it was October.  Our daughter by heart gave birth to our Granddaughter by heart, Makinzee just a few days before Auston turned 15.  Auston got his learner’s permit, and I am scared to death of the big 1-6 and him driving BY HIMSELF….. 

I also went to Women of Faith in San Antonio with my very dear friend Gwenn.  It was a wonderful experience, one we hope to repeat annually

November:

Michael was able to go to St. Louis for an Affected Coworker’s retreat with COPS in November.  He was really glad he went.    And, Semalee turned 37, and William turned two   We shared a birthday party with Zeny, who turned 3 a few days after William’s birthday.  I made a Dora and Diego cake for their birthday….

December:

And, before we knew it we were in December.  It was to be our first Christmas knowing that we had these babies forever.  Much anticipation preceded the event   We’d all done some growing since last year, and we were all breathing a little easier.  Shea got over her fear of Santa, for which we were so grateful for, since we had tickets to ride the Polar Express!  We cut down our tree at our favorite tree farm, and maintained as much of our traditions as possible amidst our crazy busy schedule.  Christmas day brought a visit from Heather and Makinzee, and some much needed rest.

As we look forward to 2012, we have so much to be thankful for this year.  Yes…. soooo much to be thankful for.  I can’t even imagine how 2012 could top 2011….  but with Michael and Auston planning a mission trip to Sri Lanka there’s some potential

 

From our family to yours, we hope your year has been wonderful as well!  May God bless you in 2012!

Thoughtful Thursday- Why I Still Believe in Santa Claus

Christians have many, many opinions on Santa Claus, from he’s of the Devil, to he’s a big lie, to he’s ok, and more.  These different opinions honestly make me sad.  I grew up in a house where Santa was very loved, and brought much excitement to Christmas.  As I began my own family there was no question in my mind of whether we would “do Santa” for our kids at all.  Frankly, I had no idea of the extremely negative views people had about Santa until I began talking in Christian online groups. 

The tradition of Santa began with St. Nicholas, a Saint who gave up his wealth to help those in need- specifically poor children.  When he would help them, he would often give them presents in a bag, anonymously.  He didn’t do it for the show, and didn’t do it for what he would get in return.

To me, the spirit of St. Nicholas lives on through the persona of Santa Claus- through the gifts we give to our children, and the way we present Santa to them.  I think it is very important to remember the spirit.  When we chose the gift for Santa to bring, at our house it is the biggest gift.  There are two reasons- one, it’s the one that is the hardest to wrap, or needs the most work to set up, that way it’s done, but also because we, as parents, are not taking credit for the big gift.  I think this is an important lesson for our children as they get older and learn that we are the people behind Santa.  They learn that we don’t have to get credit for the joy they have, that we just want to give them joy   To me this is big.  We don’t always need to get credit for the things we do.  Ultimately, God knows what we do, and if we can take our focus off of man’s appreciation and focus on God we will be more at peace in our souls.

The Spirit of St. Nicholas lives on through Secret Santa programs, and giving to the poor.  This was a BIG part of who St. Nicholas was, and we should make sure his legacy lives on through giving to the poor as well.  Now that my older boys are old enough to know the true meaning of Santa we include them in our giving at Christmas time.  We have a couple of places that we give anonymously every year, and we don’t expect anything in return, we don’t put it on our tax return, we just do it because it’s what's right.  Even as we don’t have a whole lot of money ourselves for Christmas, we make sure to give to others.  There’s always someone more in need than we are

So, I still believe in Santa because as a child I was touched by love and giving without any expectation of anything in return, and I learned the value of that.  Now as an adult I have learned that the true gift of Christmas comes when WE give.  And, isn’t that what God did?  The real gift of Christmas is that God gave his ONLY son- without expecting anything in return- just because He loves us.  It’s a legacy.  And we’re responsible for continuing the legacy to our children.

GratiTuesday- Life Goes On

Well, it's been a long, difficult week. Reverend Janet, whom I talked about last week did pass away.  She passed away on Saturday just after Fr. D administered Last Rites.  I'm so relieved that she was able to have Last Rites, I know that was incredibly important to her.  In addition to that, between when I wrote last and now another friend's mother was put into hospice care and passed away as well.  Like I said, it's been a long, difficult week.

As a Christian I am comforted to know where my friend is now, and that she is no long suffering or in pain.  Really, I am....  It's not just words I say to talk about what a good Christian I am.....  But, in spite of that, the pain of her loss cut very very deep.  Like I said last week, I didn't want her to suffer any more, and I know she has.  But, honestly, this world seems darker without her.  Really.  I've had a hard time keeping it together.

So, I've really thought hard about what to write this week for GratiTuesday, because I don't want it to sound like lip service, and I want it to be something Janet would be proud of. 

I've been really trying to focus on the season, and the meaning behind the things we do during the Advent Season.  I'm trying to slow down a little and enjoy my kids more.  That's a tough task because in the midst of everything that happened I pretty much lost an entire week and now I'm WAY behind...

But you know what?  There's healing in the fact that life does go on.  Those of us left behind are left to continue on with all the tasks of life.  And, especially when we are grieving our loss, it's important to remember that life goes on- and not to let it pass us by.  The gift in life going on is multifaceted.  It helps us to get out of our grief and heal, and it helps to know that those we love will also have to get out of their grief when we're gone too.

So, today I'm thankful for all of the cookie plates I need to finish, and the last minute gifts I need to buy and wrap.  I'm thankful for my messy house that needs to be cleaned and laundry that needs to be done.  I'm thankful that life lives on in our children and through our legacy.  I'm thankful that I knew Janet, and that she had such a profound impact on my life.

I'm thankful that life goes on.

This post is linked to Heavenly Homemaker's GratiTuesday.

GratiTuesday- Godly Women

I have a very very dear friend who is battling cancer. She has been for some time. This week they put her in hospice care. The news of this hit me really hard. Honestly, I was surprised at how it hit me. I was (and continue to be off and on) just a puddle of tears, and wandering around feeling so lost. It's not that I didn't have an idea this was coming. It's been a long, hard fight and it has definitely taken it's toll. I've thought in the past couple of weeks that we may be nearing the end. It wasn't a big surprise. But I've been holding out for a miracle. I still am.

We all have certain people in our lives that we can say their presence in our lives changed us. Some more than others. Sometimes not for the better.

This friend of mine changed me with her presence. From the moment I met her I loved her with my deep heart. You know, come to think of it, she's always surprised me. Because THAT surprised me. You know they talk about love at first sight- and that was what it was for me. (Not in a romantic way obviously)... But I had heard about her through my pastor- nothing specific, just that she was there, in the church... When I met her I instantly loved her. Deeply. And, so did my husband and our boys. She has that affect on people I hear :) I instantly felt like we were kindred sisters and that I had a true friend. And I did.

As time went on we went through some stuff together, and as I learned more about her I loved her even more. My husband lost a friend at work in a car accident, and she was there for us. I had some moments when my problems with my mother made me numb.. and she was there for us. My children needed to seek out more of what God was about, and she was there for us. She was always there with a contagious smile and joy in the Lord.

The past year our lives have not been as intertwined, because she moved, but I've talked to her often and she has taught me so much about life without even trying. St. Francis of Asisi once said, "Preach the gospel often, and if necessary use words." That is exactly how my friend lives her life.

I remember when she called me to tell me she had cancer. I was in the Kroger parking lot and I left without my groceries and drove straight to the church to pray. I wondered how I'd tell my kids. But as time went on it seemed like she was beating it. I was worried about how it would affect the rest of her life, but happy that the cancer wasn't winning.

So why has the news of hospice hit me so hard? I know that I know that I know that death is only sad for those of us who are left behind. But is is REALLY sad for us. My friend has suffered so much. I really don't want her to suffer any more. But I feel like I have so much to learn from her still. I feel like she has so much to offer the world still. I feel like this world will not the be same without her. It will be a little darker. And I don't want to experience that.

So as I try to continue through this Christmas season I'm trying to rejoice. I'm trying not to walk around in a fog. I'm trying to make my friend proud.

I don't know if I've talked about legacy before, but I think it's so important. We all do things in our lives that create our legacy. Whether we want to or not, whether we realize it or not. Our legacy exists while we are still here on the earth and long after we have gone home. As I look over my friend's legacy my heart swells to overflowing. I can only hope to have half the legacy of love that she has. So, in honor of my friend, and in still praying for a miracle I will strive to make my legacy be about love, as hers is. We are all better people for knowing my friend. That's not a statement I make lightly. If you too are her friend you know what I'm talking about.

So today I'm sending up worship soaked gratitude to God for such an amazing gift in my friend. I'm praying God's will in her life, I'm praying for peace and comfort for all who love her, I'm praying for a miracle. But, if her healing is total healing that brings her home to God, I'm grateful for that too. I'm just blessed to have her legacy be part of my life.

I love you RJ, and Super Grover does too :)