Saturday, December 31, 2005

Good-bye 2005!

Well, I am sure it is probably the theme for most people, but I figured I would write a best and worst of 2005 today.

First the worst:
Finding out my mom's boyfriend is verbally abusive and possibly dangerous
2005 was the 5th anniversary of Ashley's death
Gained too much weight!
The last few months I spent teaching
Our failure to keep up with home repairs LOL!

Over all, I have to say not too bad!

Now the best:
Finding Melaleuca and becoming a Marketing Executive
Beginning to rebuild my relationship with my mom
Deciding to stay home regardless of the financial consequences
My best childhood friend finally kicked her abusive boyfriend out
Volunteering at the school and with Cubscouts, over all being more involved
My children are thriving very well, they both received the Superstar award again this year
My relationship with my husband has grown by leaps and bounds
Planting my first letterbox
Our trip to Disney World!

Now, my goals and dreams for 2006:

Keep my focus on family and get back in church on a regular basis
Acheive atleast Director 3 status with Melaleuca- higher would be better!
Attend Convention in August for Melaleuca
Go on a cruise with my husband for our TENTH anniversary!
Take my family to the Grand Canyon, and begin our goal of visiting every single state
Rebuild my relationship with my mom
Move my dad and little sister to Texas!
Get my house clean and maintain it LOL!
Reach my goal weight and maintain it!
Pay off all credit card debt and begin paying our car off
Begin some much needed home maintenance and repairs
First on the list: Air Conditioner
Then Deck, back yard, then painting
Plant a vegetable garden
Show my children that they are the most important things in the world to me!
Show my husband that he is part of me, he is my rock, my best friend, my better half, and make a point every single day to show him I appreciate him
Continue voluteering
Manage my time better!

Ok, I think that is a good list to start with! Here's to your 2006, and I would love to hear your resolutions too!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Christmas is the Season

With all of the talk lately about Christmas and the words we use, I thought I might take a minute to reflect too. You see, I have always said Merry Christmas. I have never wondered how that might sound to a non-Christian, because that is still the name of the day. I don't argue whether or not November 11 is Veteran's Day, or July 4th is Independence Day, so why should it matter whether you say Merry Christmas or not? I have made it a point to tell everyone I see and deal with this season Merry Christmas. And I have to say, I have received more "same to you."s then ever before. I am trying not to get offended, but quite frankly, I am!! If a jew were to walk up to me and say Happy Hannukah I would say Happy Hannukah back. It is on the calendar, after all! So if you see me near Easter, don't tell me anything other than Happy Easter, and if you see me near Halloween, don't tell me anything other than Happy Halloween. And I, well, I will do the same!

That said, in the spirit of this season.. I would like to wish each of you a very Merry Christmas, and I will follow that with a Happy New Year. Which brings something else up. This is also the time of year that people begin to reflect. The holidays signify the passing of another year, and we can't help but to reflect on where we have been over the past year and where we want to go next year. I, for one want to go on a cruise with my husband next year, but that is a whole nother topic entirely!

So, I began reflecting on my year. I think all in all my life has definitely headed in the right direction this year. I quit my teaching job to be at home. Shortly after that I found Melaleuca and was introduced to an entirely different way to earn extra income from home. Melaleuca's mission statement is, "Enhancing the lives of those we touch by helping people to reach their goals." I have really begun to reflect on that and tried to make it my own mission statement too. One of the places that it is most important to me to enhance lives is in my own family. Being at home helps me to do that. Earning money from home helps to do that too, by taking some of the pressure off of my husband. This year was the first year I was able to go on field trips with both of my children. What a joy that was, and such a blessing. My business is growing slowly, but I am ok with that because I have a firm foundation and experience growth almost every month. Helping others with this is also such a joy to me.

There is an area that I am not so proud of over the year, however. That is my relationship with my mom and my extended family. My mom in particular. You see, some people believe in intuition and some people do not. I call it God breezes (got that from flylady). I have always tried to listen to my gut. Well, over the past couple of years I have not done that with regards to my mom. You see, while her divorce was going on I would have tornado dreams every time something was up with her. I always knew before my dad told me that something was going on. Lately, over the last couple of months I have started to have them again. Often times followed by a nervous stomach the next day. Occasionally it has been so bad that I have called my mom to make sure everything was ok. She always tells me everything is fine, but I knew in my gut it wasn't. Well, now, over the last couple of days I have had this very pressing feeling that I should be in Utah for Christmas. Obviously it isn't practical for me to go up there, so here I am, still in Texas. However, today I am having an especially difficult time, I just have a feeling that something is wrong. I don't know what, but it is driving me crazy. Over the past few years things have been very strained between my mother and I and I am scared to death that I have missed the boat to make things right. I hope it is just the added tension because of all of the other things going on, and I am just ultra sensitive this year.

Anyway, it isnt' Christmas unless there is a crisis, a burnt turkey, forgotten gifts, or the police show up at your house (lucky for me, he lives here LOL!)... May yours be wonderful

Monday, December 19, 2005

Does it ever end?

I want to know, does it ever end? I wonder, does there always have to be something going on in life that causes stress and pain? My mom and I have had a very strained relationship since she decided to divorce my dad back in 2001. It really has little to do with that decision, but that was when everything changed with us. Shortly after that she started dating her boyfriend that she has now. I have never liked him, but honestly hoped it was because I was bitter over the divorce, but also knowing in my heart that wasn't the case. The whole time we were growing up as young girls my mother drilled into us the way a man treats a lady, and what a "healthy" relationship looks like, and what a lady should see as warning signs that maybe this man or that man are not someone you want to share your life with. She is a domestic violence counselor, so we know a lot about domestic violence! Well, some of the things she has told us over the years are that you should be friends, you should be equals, you should also have your own identity. One of the major things she drilled into us is that you NEVER put a man before your children, no matter who he is. If he is not taking care of those children, or worse not treating them right not only are you responsible for keeping those children happy and safe, but that is a MAJOR warning sign that he is a bad dude. A man should NEVER yell at you to the point that you are afraid. Your spouse should be a safe haven for you, not someone to be feared. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, it seems that my mom has gotten herself into the very situation she drilled us about and tried to keep us out of. Her boyfriend is not a nice man. Over the last 5 years I have really gotten my feelings hurt over some things that she has done, but I am now beginning to see where they came from. For example, 2 years ago I spent 6 weeks in Utah with my dad so that I would be there when my grandpa got the call that there was an apartment available at the senior apartments where my grandma is. I wanted to be there to help get him moved. He and Grandma lived in there house for over 40 years and this was a very big deal to him. When the call came the only reason I even found out was because I had already scheduled a dinner with my cousin on that day and she had to cancel. Then I was informed that I was not invited because my mom's boyfriend was going to be there and they didn't want a scene. Now, let me break in here and just make the case that I had only ever met him one other time and that was when my aunt was in the hospital because she had a brain tumor and I wasn't invited there either for the same reason, but I went anyway! and NO, I did not cause a scene. I can not put into words how incredibly hurt I was that mom's BOYFRIEND could go, but not me the GRANDDAUGHTER!! That was a turning point for me with my family and now I really want very little to do with the whole lot of them. But anyway, this is just one example of the many things that have involved him and me. So, all this time I have been very hurt by this (and I still am) but now I see that it wasn't about me. It was about HIM! You see, my older sister went to see her daughter and stayed at my mom's one night. Apparently she said something that Mom's boyfriend didn't like and he commenced to start yelling and screaming at her about the fact that she is adopted and not my mom's natural daughter and she should understand that their relationship is going to be different.. yada yada yada... This went on for more than 30 minutes and my mom did NOTHING! You can imagine how horrible this was for my sister. Then a couple of weeks ago she stayed at my mom's again while visiting her daughter and again they disagreed (this time about whether she should have shock therapy for her depression or not) and this time my mom actually agreed with Terrie, which sent him into a complete rage where he was pounding his fists into his head and screaming at the both of them and ultimately ended up leaving because "he wasn't going to be disrespected in his house!"

Well, as you can imagine this is very concerning. My mom says he has only done it a couple of times and he is working on it. Yet, when Terrie called him the next week to ask him what the hell his problem was he screamed at her that she was a f*cking lying b*tch and he was not going to play her F-ing games while my mom was sitting right there. My sister is going to be in town for Christmas and has told my mom that she will not be at the family Christmas Eve if he is going to be there. My mom said she wasn't going to exclude him for his past mistakes and she hoped that Terrie would reconsider. Terrie is very hurt that my mom is choosing her boyfriend over her grandchildren on Christmas (grandchildren that live 1500 miles away). I am absolutely shocked. For me it speaks volumes about the magnitude of this man's ability to manipulate her. I called her and told her I am very concerned. I am thinking of calling my aunt, but I am very unsure of what will happen with that. So, I am a big ball of stress over this, and my pain level with my arthritis has gone through the roof! I also, have accomplished very little with my business this month, I have one enrollment, but I was really hoping to get 4, and I only have myself to blame. I have been so emotionally wrapped up in this that I can't concetrate on anything else.

On the flip side we went and chopped down a Christmas tree this weekend. That was fun, I have never done that before. I hope you all have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!