Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Hurry Up and Wait!

So we're on this foster journey, right. You have read the stories and know that this is definitely God's Plan for us. I know that. You know when you know that you know that you know??? Well, I do. However, I am still starting to freak out a bit! We had our interviews on Monday and it went well, and we got our homestudy scheduled for the 9th. While interviewing our caseworker was trying to get a feel for the types of children we would accept and showing us children that she thought would fit well into our family. There was a sibling group with a little girl and a little boy that were just sooooo precious. I swear if we were approved I would have jumped at them. But the reality of this is really happening and we could potentially have another child or *gasp* children in our home within the next month or two is..... well...... overwhelming. I guess in a way I've had almost 9 months to prepare, but it's different than being pregnant, ya know? LOL!! I am having some twinges of sadness for the way our family is right now because it is all about to change in a big way. Our family is so peaceful (most of the time) and change is scary. But, I also know that I know that I know that this is God's plan and I also know that I know that I know that when we let Him be in charge we are NEVER sorry. So, it's a huge lesson in trust. I think that is the big thing He is working on with me right now. I like to be in control and it's hard for me to let go...... Especially about something this big!!!!

So, we have a million and a half things to do by next Monday and no money to do them with, so please pray for us!

Oh and I have to tell yet another cool God story.... As we were driving home from our interviews I was going over my list in my head.... things we have to buy, do etc .... Well, one thing on the list was baby bed of some sort, other furniture and misc items.... Well, when I got home there was an email in my inbox from another of God's angels saying that she is getting rid of all of her baby furniture and wants to DONATE it to us!!!! How cool is that???? This is going to be an adventure- and I'm so glad for the people who are chosing to take it with us in one way or another!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Another Letter

Well, I got another letter from my mother. This one wasn't mean, which is an improvement, but it wasn't nice either. You know, sometimes I think I shouldn't even open anything from her. But I just have this hope that she will come around eventually. This one told me that she thought about me all day on my birthday and wondered if she would call, but just didn't. She hasn't even read the letter I sent her. She says she's afraid of it. Whatever. Then she went on to tell ME to not let anger and my ego rule my life. How would she know what is ruling my life when she won't talk to me and won't read my letters? It is truly mind blowing. The bad part is, just as I start to be able to move towards forgiveness she says or does something to hurt me again. I'm trying to forgive all of the junk. I really am. I'm trying to make sense of it all. I'm trying to find my part in it so I can apologize. I just can't. I have all the letters she has sent me over the last few years in my hope chest and it really amazes me how cruel she has been, yet somehow I feel like it is my fault, or that there is something I could do differently. It makes me want to scream. So, I think what my friend said is the right thing to do. If she corresponds with me again I need to let someone else open it and decide if I should read it. If it's not nice they should just put it away for me and I shouldn't read it. It's the only way I'm going to be able to move through the forgiveness stages. I'd rather forgive and be naive then continue on this painful path. I've also decided that really if anyone deserves an apology it is me. So I will just wait. I will not contact her for any reason from this point forward (not that I have contacted her since I was blacklisted at the hospital) until it is clear to me that she is in a different state of mind. Not because I am angry, but because I really understand that all we do is hurt each other and I want to stop the cycle. When she's ready to stop the cycle then we'll be able to move forward, and that hasn't happened yet.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

New Year's Eve

Thought I'd post some pictures of our New Year's Eve Celebration. We did something new this year, that I think we will make a tradition. We made "Wish Logs". What is this? Well, we took empty toilet paper rolls and strips of paper. We wrote our wishes for 2009 on the strips of paper and stuffed them in the toilet paper "logs". Then we sealed the ends with candle wax and decorated the outside with some more wax. When we were all done with our logs we put them in the fireplace and built a fire with them. It was really a lot of fun. You can see pictures of our logs on the slideshow :)

Also, FYI- so far I'm doing good posting on Pictures of Jello! Check it out :)