Leading up to this day I was surprised at my emotions, because, like I said, I was committed to them from moment one. However, I found myself relaxing a little. Fears I didn't know existed were coming to the surface, and I was able to release them. I also found that I had been holding on to my heart a little, afraid of the what-if, because all we had was the Will saying they were ours. There was no real threat to our family, but still, in my mind, it wasn't over until it was over. As I talked with the kids, I learned they had these fears too. Maybe they knew they had these fears all along, maybe they didn't, but it's a strange thing that adoption does to your heart. The truth is, they are no more or less my children today then they were a week ago. If anything had tried to come between us I would have given my life to preserve our bond. But, now we don't have to explain ourselves to the world, and that is a relief.
The moment the Judge Granted the Adoption
In some ways it was bitter-sweet for me. It was sort of the closing of a chapter that included my cousin. She's still with us in spirit, and very much in my heart and mind, but it was still another finalization in the fact that we lost her. But, it was also sweet because I knew this was what she wanted. And, it's my honor to give this last gift to my first best friend. I just can't help but wish we were raising these kids together. It's funny, a couple of months we talked about her and the kids coming for a visit this summer, and about her considering moving closer so we could do just that. But, in the end, we get the pleasure of parenting these kids.
This adoption process was a lot different from our previous adoption from the CPS system. Some things were the same, we still had to have a home study done, which was tedious and stressful, just as the first one was. It was a little less involved as far as the property was concerned, no fire inspection, no child locks etc, but still stressful. It's never fun to have someone come in and evaluate your home life. And, in a family that jokes around a lot, I worried if someone would say something in jest that would be taken seriously! LOL! But, the good news is, now I can use this when the kids think I'm being "unreasonable" I can tell them the State of Texas has thoroughly investigated us and we're good LOL!! It also cost a lost more, as in adopting from CPS is free and this was definitely a few thousand dollars more than free!
Some day I'll write a long detailed post about the things that are the same and the things that are different in the two adoptions.
People ask me all the time how we're handling having so many kids, and the truth is, when God calls you to do something, He makes it possible. It's not always easy, but it's not always hard, either. And if I were to be able to choose the number of kids I had without consequence, this is exactly the number I would chose. They keep our life full, and loud, and crazy. They keep us on our toes, and challenge us every day to be better. They remind us that there is purpose in life. They remind us daily of how lucky we are to have each other, and have the love that we share. No, I wouldn't change a thing about my life. Each of my children are a unique gift, unmeasurable, and unmatchable.
With the Judge after the Adoption
Is God calling you to do something crazy? Do it! I will not promise it will be easy, but it will definitely be worth it!