Saturday, December 31, 2005

Good-bye 2005!

Well, I am sure it is probably the theme for most people, but I figured I would write a best and worst of 2005 today.

First the worst:
Finding out my mom's boyfriend is verbally abusive and possibly dangerous
2005 was the 5th anniversary of Ashley's death
Gained too much weight!
The last few months I spent teaching
Our failure to keep up with home repairs LOL!

Over all, I have to say not too bad!

Now the best:
Finding Melaleuca and becoming a Marketing Executive
Beginning to rebuild my relationship with my mom
Deciding to stay home regardless of the financial consequences
My best childhood friend finally kicked her abusive boyfriend out
Volunteering at the school and with Cubscouts, over all being more involved
My children are thriving very well, they both received the Superstar award again this year
My relationship with my husband has grown by leaps and bounds
Planting my first letterbox
Our trip to Disney World!

Now, my goals and dreams for 2006:

Keep my focus on family and get back in church on a regular basis
Acheive atleast Director 3 status with Melaleuca- higher would be better!
Attend Convention in August for Melaleuca
Go on a cruise with my husband for our TENTH anniversary!
Take my family to the Grand Canyon, and begin our goal of visiting every single state
Rebuild my relationship with my mom
Move my dad and little sister to Texas!
Get my house clean and maintain it LOL!
Reach my goal weight and maintain it!
Pay off all credit card debt and begin paying our car off
Begin some much needed home maintenance and repairs
First on the list: Air Conditioner
Then Deck, back yard, then painting
Plant a vegetable garden
Show my children that they are the most important things in the world to me!
Show my husband that he is part of me, he is my rock, my best friend, my better half, and make a point every single day to show him I appreciate him
Continue voluteering
Manage my time better!

Ok, I think that is a good list to start with! Here's to your 2006, and I would love to hear your resolutions too!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Christmas is the Season

With all of the talk lately about Christmas and the words we use, I thought I might take a minute to reflect too. You see, I have always said Merry Christmas. I have never wondered how that might sound to a non-Christian, because that is still the name of the day. I don't argue whether or not November 11 is Veteran's Day, or July 4th is Independence Day, so why should it matter whether you say Merry Christmas or not? I have made it a point to tell everyone I see and deal with this season Merry Christmas. And I have to say, I have received more "same to you."s then ever before. I am trying not to get offended, but quite frankly, I am!! If a jew were to walk up to me and say Happy Hannukah I would say Happy Hannukah back. It is on the calendar, after all! So if you see me near Easter, don't tell me anything other than Happy Easter, and if you see me near Halloween, don't tell me anything other than Happy Halloween. And I, well, I will do the same!

That said, in the spirit of this season.. I would like to wish each of you a very Merry Christmas, and I will follow that with a Happy New Year. Which brings something else up. This is also the time of year that people begin to reflect. The holidays signify the passing of another year, and we can't help but to reflect on where we have been over the past year and where we want to go next year. I, for one want to go on a cruise with my husband next year, but that is a whole nother topic entirely!

So, I began reflecting on my year. I think all in all my life has definitely headed in the right direction this year. I quit my teaching job to be at home. Shortly after that I found Melaleuca and was introduced to an entirely different way to earn extra income from home. Melaleuca's mission statement is, "Enhancing the lives of those we touch by helping people to reach their goals." I have really begun to reflect on that and tried to make it my own mission statement too. One of the places that it is most important to me to enhance lives is in my own family. Being at home helps me to do that. Earning money from home helps to do that too, by taking some of the pressure off of my husband. This year was the first year I was able to go on field trips with both of my children. What a joy that was, and such a blessing. My business is growing slowly, but I am ok with that because I have a firm foundation and experience growth almost every month. Helping others with this is also such a joy to me.

There is an area that I am not so proud of over the year, however. That is my relationship with my mom and my extended family. My mom in particular. You see, some people believe in intuition and some people do not. I call it God breezes (got that from flylady). I have always tried to listen to my gut. Well, over the past couple of years I have not done that with regards to my mom. You see, while her divorce was going on I would have tornado dreams every time something was up with her. I always knew before my dad told me that something was going on. Lately, over the last couple of months I have started to have them again. Often times followed by a nervous stomach the next day. Occasionally it has been so bad that I have called my mom to make sure everything was ok. She always tells me everything is fine, but I knew in my gut it wasn't. Well, now, over the last couple of days I have had this very pressing feeling that I should be in Utah for Christmas. Obviously it isn't practical for me to go up there, so here I am, still in Texas. However, today I am having an especially difficult time, I just have a feeling that something is wrong. I don't know what, but it is driving me crazy. Over the past few years things have been very strained between my mother and I and I am scared to death that I have missed the boat to make things right. I hope it is just the added tension because of all of the other things going on, and I am just ultra sensitive this year.

Anyway, it isnt' Christmas unless there is a crisis, a burnt turkey, forgotten gifts, or the police show up at your house (lucky for me, he lives here LOL!)... May yours be wonderful

Monday, December 19, 2005

Does it ever end?

I want to know, does it ever end? I wonder, does there always have to be something going on in life that causes stress and pain? My mom and I have had a very strained relationship since she decided to divorce my dad back in 2001. It really has little to do with that decision, but that was when everything changed with us. Shortly after that she started dating her boyfriend that she has now. I have never liked him, but honestly hoped it was because I was bitter over the divorce, but also knowing in my heart that wasn't the case. The whole time we were growing up as young girls my mother drilled into us the way a man treats a lady, and what a "healthy" relationship looks like, and what a lady should see as warning signs that maybe this man or that man are not someone you want to share your life with. She is a domestic violence counselor, so we know a lot about domestic violence! Well, some of the things she has told us over the years are that you should be friends, you should be equals, you should also have your own identity. One of the major things she drilled into us is that you NEVER put a man before your children, no matter who he is. If he is not taking care of those children, or worse not treating them right not only are you responsible for keeping those children happy and safe, but that is a MAJOR warning sign that he is a bad dude. A man should NEVER yell at you to the point that you are afraid. Your spouse should be a safe haven for you, not someone to be feared. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, it seems that my mom has gotten herself into the very situation she drilled us about and tried to keep us out of. Her boyfriend is not a nice man. Over the last 5 years I have really gotten my feelings hurt over some things that she has done, but I am now beginning to see where they came from. For example, 2 years ago I spent 6 weeks in Utah with my dad so that I would be there when my grandpa got the call that there was an apartment available at the senior apartments where my grandma is. I wanted to be there to help get him moved. He and Grandma lived in there house for over 40 years and this was a very big deal to him. When the call came the only reason I even found out was because I had already scheduled a dinner with my cousin on that day and she had to cancel. Then I was informed that I was not invited because my mom's boyfriend was going to be there and they didn't want a scene. Now, let me break in here and just make the case that I had only ever met him one other time and that was when my aunt was in the hospital because she had a brain tumor and I wasn't invited there either for the same reason, but I went anyway! and NO, I did not cause a scene. I can not put into words how incredibly hurt I was that mom's BOYFRIEND could go, but not me the GRANDDAUGHTER!! That was a turning point for me with my family and now I really want very little to do with the whole lot of them. But anyway, this is just one example of the many things that have involved him and me. So, all this time I have been very hurt by this (and I still am) but now I see that it wasn't about me. It was about HIM! You see, my older sister went to see her daughter and stayed at my mom's one night. Apparently she said something that Mom's boyfriend didn't like and he commenced to start yelling and screaming at her about the fact that she is adopted and not my mom's natural daughter and she should understand that their relationship is going to be different.. yada yada yada... This went on for more than 30 minutes and my mom did NOTHING! You can imagine how horrible this was for my sister. Then a couple of weeks ago she stayed at my mom's again while visiting her daughter and again they disagreed (this time about whether she should have shock therapy for her depression or not) and this time my mom actually agreed with Terrie, which sent him into a complete rage where he was pounding his fists into his head and screaming at the both of them and ultimately ended up leaving because "he wasn't going to be disrespected in his house!"

Well, as you can imagine this is very concerning. My mom says he has only done it a couple of times and he is working on it. Yet, when Terrie called him the next week to ask him what the hell his problem was he screamed at her that she was a f*cking lying b*tch and he was not going to play her F-ing games while my mom was sitting right there. My sister is going to be in town for Christmas and has told my mom that she will not be at the family Christmas Eve if he is going to be there. My mom said she wasn't going to exclude him for his past mistakes and she hoped that Terrie would reconsider. Terrie is very hurt that my mom is choosing her boyfriend over her grandchildren on Christmas (grandchildren that live 1500 miles away). I am absolutely shocked. For me it speaks volumes about the magnitude of this man's ability to manipulate her. I called her and told her I am very concerned. I am thinking of calling my aunt, but I am very unsure of what will happen with that. So, I am a big ball of stress over this, and my pain level with my arthritis has gone through the roof! I also, have accomplished very little with my business this month, I have one enrollment, but I was really hoping to get 4, and I only have myself to blame. I have been so emotionally wrapped up in this that I can't concetrate on anything else.

On the flip side we went and chopped down a Christmas tree this weekend. That was fun, I have never done that before. I hope you all have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

She swings.... And she misses....

My trip home to see my childhood friends was wonderful, and it reminded me that I am so very blessed to have them. There is something different about friends that have known you your whole life. They hold a special place, no matter where you are, or how often you keep in touch, it is awe-inspiring that we as a group of friends can just pick up like we just saw each other yesterday and know that the others will be around forever.

So I came home Tuesday and hurricane Rita was headed straight for my house!! We spent the next few days preparing. Have you ever thought about how well 2.5 million people can evacuate in 2 days? Let me tell you... Not well!! We decided to hunker down and ride out the storm because we are 63 miles inland. Thursday my sister and her kids and dogs and cats (one of whom was pregnant) and birds and tyrantula came to stay at our house for the storm. To say the least we were a bit crowded!! Even more crowded the night Rita was supposed to hit because we were ALL in my not so big bedroom!! As I went to bed it looked like Rita would hit to the East of us, but Galveston and Port Arthur had exactly the same percentages of probability, and either way Rita was big enough we figured we would still get something. I went to bed not knowing how long I would sleep. Got up in the middle of the night and checked, Rita had hit Port Arthur, but was still moving NW, so I figured we were still in for it. Saturday rolled around and all we ended up with was a little wind, and I still need to water my lawn! So Saturday afternoon they all packed up and went home. I still haven't gotten my house totally back together! LOL!!

Anyway, I wanted to share a consiracy theory with you. Ok, let me preface this with the fact that I have never really bought into conspiracy theories as a rule, but my husband is the king of them! The other day I was watching TV and a commercial came on for the new show Commander and Cheif with Gina Davis. Now don't get me wrong, this looks like an excellent show that I will probably watch, but I just have to say something that strikes me as odd. Ok, let me also preface this with I do not subscribe to any particular political race, and pride myself of voting on the issues, not the party. That said, I have to wonder: Did the democrats fund this show to ease the country's concerns about a female president? I mean, think about it... We have a couple of years until the Presidential election, and Bush's approval rating is waining a bit... Now what if they got the country ok with the idea and then BAM through Hillary in there!? You watch, mark my words... This is bound to come out eventually!!

Ok, that is all I have for today, obviously I have been married to my husband too long, hurricanes are unpredictable, I like my sister better at her house, and I am proud of my childhood friends...

Y'all take care!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

And the Crunch is on...

Well.. The countdown begins today! I officially leave town tomorrow. Before I leave I have to clean my house, do some PTO stuff, get my hair and nails done, do some work for my business.... etc... Oh yeah make a quilt for Ben's baby.... Which leads me into my story for today...

This is the story of some high school kids. Me and my group of friends. You always remember your first. That is just the way it is. Ben was my first. He told me he wanted to marry me and that was that. He was my first love. Well our relationship was rocky at best. What high school relationship isn't? At one point I found out that he was dating another girl, Julie. Then because I was young I actually let him date us both at the same time. I was sure that he would see that we were meant to be. Well, he joined the army and the night before he left for the Army he told me that he knew it was us that was meant to be and we spent that last glorious night together. I moved into his mother's house and began learning how to be a good wife so I would be prepared when he got home. His best friend and I (Karl) spent most of our time together because we were, quite frankly lost without Ben. One day Ben told his mother that we were going to be moving out when he got home. She flipped out, because I guess she thought we would live with her? I don't know. She imposed a curfew on me, and I was not to spend anytime alone down in Ben and my's room with Karl. Then when Ben called for his weekly call on the weekend she wouldn't let me talk to him. And while she was talking to him she told him that she caught Karl and I in bed (in Ben's bed)! I was completely floored! And I had no idea what to do!! I knew it wasn't true, and Karl knew it wasn't true, but from Ben's standpoint... Who is he supposed to believe? So he started back with Julie. This devestated me and I had Karl help me move out. When Ben came back from the Army he and Julie had their perfect little reunion and all was well. Problem was we all ran with the same friends. So I had to hear about it, and because I apparently like pain I actually asked. Karl and I didn't talk to Ben. It was our understanding that he didn't want to talk to us. And if you got all of us in the same place, it was ugly. Julie and I hated eachother like you would not believe. After a while Karl and I became very close. We had come to rely on eachother. One night we crossed the line between friendship and lovers. As soon as it was over I knew it was a mistake. Karl and I talked about it and agreed that we would just be very very good friends. I was so terrified that I would end up losing his friendship too like I had lost Ben's, and I couldn't bear that thought. So friends we were.
I joined the army. If Ben could do it and he came home saying how hard Basic Training was then I certainly could do it and not complain about how hard it was! So a couple of months after Ben got back I left. Over time Ben and Karl made up and were friends again. Over time I was able to talk with Ben again too. Seemed married life wasn't everything it was chalked up to be. Honestly, he still had a very special place in my heart, and I wished things were different. But the fact was, they weren't. In fact Julie was pregnant. I came home to visit and got to spend some quality time with both Ben and Karl. I wouldn't trade it for anything. We worked out a lot of junk that was between us all. Ben said he wished we had talked when he got home. We started talking then. We talked on the phone while Ben was at work with nothing else to do. Meanwhile I was dating my current husband. I got the call when Julie had the baby, Karl told me and I shared my news with him that I was now pregnant! I ended up moving back to Utah for a short period of time over the summer because I was such an emotion wreck during my pregnancy. Karl and I spent a lot of time together. One day we were out at a ghost town and he was out looking around and I was sitting in the car. I had a conversation with God. I asked him who I was supposed to be with, Karl or Scott (the father of my baby). I asked him for a sign. Karl got back in the car and started eating a candy bar. I asked him for some and he said no. We ended up in a huge fight over this stupid candy bar and I took that as my sign. Shortly after that I married Scott and shortly after that I moved back to be with him in Texas.
Fast forward a year or so.. I don't remember how long. Julie and Karl had become close. In fact Ben walked in on them kissing one day. Seems married life wasn't all Julie had hoped for either. Ben called me and told me he was so upset. I was too. Now Ben and Karl were not really friends again! Ben and Julie ended up getting divorced and Karl and Julie started dating. I came home for another visit. As I always did, Karl and I went to dinner. I didn't know but he and Julie were pretty serious. Julie found out that he was having dinner with me and she freaked out!! That is when he had "the talk" with her. This is the same talk I had had with Scott, though Scott is not a jealous person I just thought he should know where he stood. He told her that I was a very vital part of his life and she was either going to deal with that fact or they were not going to have any future. You can imagine this didn't go well, since Julie and I were not exactly on each other's side. We finished our dinner and Karl told me how he was feeling for Julie and what he had told her. It was so nice to see that spark in his eyes. I could tell he really loved her. A couple months later I was sitting on my computer and I get an instant message from Julie. You can imagine I backed slowly away from the computer because I wasn't sure she hadn't somehow rigged it to blow up!!
Seems she had decided the tension between she and I was affecting Karl and she wanted to try to find some common ground to make his life easier. I was skeptical at first, but willing. We ended up talking quite a lot and worked out most of our differences. Turns out there was a reason the same men kept falling for us. Dare I say it? *gasp* We are actually a lot alike!
Well I went home for another visit and Karl and Julie got married. Unfortunately I missed the wedding by one week, but was very happy for them. Then over the summer I stayed with my dad for 6 weeks (he and my mom had recently separated, another long long story) and spent some time with Karl and Julie. The kids and I went over for supper one Sunday and when I got there Julie told me that it was Ben's visitation day that day and he would probably be around later with his new fiance, Tina. I said, ooh does he know I will be here? She said no!
I will never forget the look on Ben's face that day. He walked into the house, and Julie and I were bantering back and forth like old friends while making milkshakes for the kids. We turned to see who had come in and there was Ben with his mouth on the floor. I think he wasn't sure if it was safe to move! LOL!! I was so happy to see him again. His fiance I couldn't really read. They got married a few months later and I was there for the wedding. I didn't get the impression that she was real happy to see me, but Ben make it very clear he was glad I was there. To make the day just a little more exciting Julie suggested that Karl bring me to the wedding! That was fun, I have to say!
So, tomorrow I will go to Utah to watch Karl graduate from College. Julie asked me to come.
I have to say... 15 years ago I would have never guessed that I would call Julie one of my closest friends, but I do. There is something special about lifelong friends. No one can ever take their part.
So tomorrow I will fly to Utah and get to see Ben and Karl and Julie and hopefully Tina will be at peace with me being there... Tina and Ben just had a baby boy who I can't wait to meet...

Should be interesting, but fun!

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Jello Doesn't nail

Welcome to the official first entry to this blog! You know I have known many people who have had blogs and I always enjoyed reading them and thought maybe some day I would have a blog. Well, today I decided to jump the fence. Maybe I should tell you a little about my title. I was talking to one of my closest friends the other day after having a particularly bad day, the conversation went a little like this:
"Have you ever had one of those 3 month periods where the world is against you? I am not talking about a day, a week, or even a month... This whole damn season is against me!"
She laughed, probably because she was glad it was my turn and not hers.
So, as I was creating this blog I thought about the old saying, "cleaning house while the children are around is like trying to nail jello to a tree".. There is also "cleaning house while the children are around is like brushing your teeth in the middle of an oreo cookie!".. I actually like the oreo one better, but I couldn't figure out how to get it to be the name of the blog. So, Jello Doesn't nail. Welcome to life. So what do you do with all of this jello that is never going to nail to that tree?... Well, being from Utah I would have to say you make green jello salad!! Ok, if you have never been to Utah and have never had Green Jello Salad let me just offer this suggestion: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! The fact is I have had this stuff placed in front of me about 150 times too many and the very thought of it makes me want to puke! So here we are, back at the question of what to do with this jello... Do you see how my life is going? LOL!

No but seriously... I have many many things to be thankful for. It just doesn't make nearly as good of a read! I plan to update this blog regularly... By regularly I mean every couple of days, more often at times, and less often at times, depending on how the mood strikes me! I will change the names of people to protect their identity when I talk about them, so don't go looking to figure out who my long lost cousin Tabitha is.. She doesn't exist...

Now, let me give you a little teaser about what I will talk about next time, as my fingers are getting tired, and I want to save some of my juicy stuff for later...

Back when I was in high school I had a group of friends that well... let's just say we would make a good Jerry Springer episode! I will be back in town visiting with them this coming weekend.... Should be very interesting!

Have a great day!