Thursday Thoughts- Does your day run you?

Phew- it's been a while since I wrote my post on ABA Therapy (Applied Behavioral Therapy) and how it's working in our home.  We still continue to work with Dr. Salek to fine tune our behaviors and find more of a semblance of normal.  We've been working with her for about 6 months now, and if you had told me that in 6 months my life would be this different from what it was, I would have called her so much sooner.  So, if you're in the Houston area and you're struggling with very difficult behaviors in your home from one or more of your children that are related to autism, adoption, bipolar, anxiety etc, and you feel like your child is holding you hostage, please call her.  I am here to tell you it is worth every penny and every moment.  Do not wait, because 6 months from now you will wish you had called today!  (FYI I do not get any compensation from her, I just wholeheartedly believe in her).

So, one of the things that she implemented, was a schedule.  We set up schedules for the kids to help regulate what they do during the day, how much time is spent on media (TV, Tablet, Computer etc) and how much time they have free to do as they wish.  We also put into the schedule morning, afternoon, and evening chores.  If I'm being completely honest, I'll tell you the afternoon chores just don't happen consistently, so I'm working those back out of our schedule, which is an important point about the schedule- you are not locked in!  The schedule can, and will change.  But, the morning and evening chores do and that has helped all of us tremendously.  It helps the kids know that they have value, because they have purpose in our home. It helps me not feel quite as overwhelmed because I'm not the only one responsible for the chores.  It also gives me an opportunity to sit down and relax for a moment.  For example, after dinner the kids do the after dinner chores, and I usually sit in my bed, or on the couch and play a game or two on my tablet during this down time.  It's nice to have some down time when the kids are still awake.

In the beginning there was a schedule for William.  Then we decided that all of the kids should have one, so that William didn't feel singled out, and truly, they all could use one anyway if for no other reason to regulate the media time.  (Does anyone else struggle with feeling like media takes over their household)...  Once we got them all rolling in schedules of their own I decided that writing a new schedule each day was way too much for us.  I could see the value in it, and I could really see how knowing what the day held helped William with his anxiety and consequently his mood, but I could also see that I was about to go under the waters of overwhelm real fast.   So, I went to pinterest looking for templates or something to make this ABA Schedule easier.  What I found, were references to Managers of Their Homes, a program by Terri Maxwell, that I had heard about in the past, but never actually tried.  I decided that I needed to give it a try and see if it helped us.  I will tell you the program, along with their software, ScheduleBreeze has really helped us tremendously.

There were many things I learned as we implemented the schedule.  One of them was that I didn't have any space for me.  Not only did I need that space, but the kids need to know that I have space for me because I'm modeling for them how they should organize their day.  Do I want their days full of doing more and more and more, with no time to just be?  So, now we all have schedules, and it helps me to keep myself in line as well.

Colossians 4:5 says, “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.”  Over the next little while we'll spend some time talking about what the best use of time is.  I will give you a teaser- it's not busyness, or even productivity.

Stay tuned for more on how I'm getting my life together :)

Love, Semalee

Thursday Thoughts: The Comparison Trap

Recently I've taken a break from social media.  It's now been more than a month that I've been off social media and I've learned a few things.

It's all too easy to get caught up in the world of social media and forget that what goes on there is pretty far from reality.  I know that it is a way to keep in touch with people, but how often do we use it as a crutch to believe that we are staying in touch, when really we aren't.  We're just looking in on someone's life, but still keeping a distance.  There's not a place on our Facebook wall where we can sit together and talk about the things that really are bothering us.

What really got me convicted to take a break was the change I was seeing in myself.  I have always been a person who truly enjoys seeing my friends have a good time, even when it didn't include me. It really has been a thing that doesn't bother me.  But lately, I find myself in a sort of "in between" stage.  I think it has some to do with the fact that I have adult children and teen age children and young children.  Because of this dynamic, I often don't feel like I truly "fit" with any group. My friends who have children my adult children's ages are now entering the empty nest time in their lives and don't have the worries of the 7 and 8 year old life that we do.  My friends who have young kids my Littles' ages are much younger than we are and have a totally different take on many things as a result.  I have some friends who have teenage kids, but the teenage years are so difficult with time being so scarce that there's not a lot of room to connect there either.

And, I'm also finding that being a mom of adult kids who are going out into the world and living their own lives is much harder than I anticipated.  So much of my life has been all about them, and now their lives are (rightfully so) not about me.  I miss my boys.

These things have worked together to knock down my self esteem a bit.  As this has happened, I've begun looking at Facebook differently.  I've noticed more where I don't seem to stack up to others.  My friends get together and instead of me being happy about it for them, I'm feeling sorry for myself, and wondering why I wasn't invited.  I've lost my sense of true identity, because I allowed Facebook/Instagram/SnapChat etc to define it for me instead of the One who truly loves me and knows me.

I was reading a devotional in the Bible app recently called "People of the Second Chance".  There was a quote in there that really hit me to the core, and I think it is well worth repeating.  It was, "My truest, nonnegotiable identity is the beloved.  And in spite of my checkered past, my fabulous flops, my painful history, my deepest flaws, my boneheaded screw-ups, and yes, even beyond my own beliefs about myself, I am God's beloved.  This is my foundational identity of every human being.

"This is important because identity is the engine that dries the relationship not only with ourselves, but also with God and others.  If your identity is broken, your life is broken.  If you define it incorrectly, you will carry that wrong definition into your story.  if all you see are your limitations, you will miss out on the stunning possibilities God is creating in front of you."  I assume more can be found in his book, People of the Second Chance: A Guide to Bringing Life-Saving Love to the World

This really spoke to me, though.  You see, one thing I will never claim to be is perfect.  One thing I do not have is "it all together".  I'm just like any other wife and mom out there who spends time bouncing between overwhelmed and barely getting by most of the time.  I have deep regrets as a mom, things I wish I could do over, ways I wish I could better show my kids how much I love them.  I have deep regrets as a wife, ways that I have not been a good partner to my husband, times when I didn't give him the grace he deserved.  I have deep regrets as a child, things I've said, and ways I've acted out towards my parents, and most particularly my mother.  I have failed in many ways at being a good friend, too.  I've said things that hurt my friends, that were not intended to do so, but still did.  You can't unsay things once they've been said.  All of these people are people who I love so dearly, yet I have made mistakes.  And now, as a mother in law, I find myself failing in many ways there too. I am human.  I am far from perfect.  And the people who I love are also human.  We fail.  All of us.  It's just one of the reasons we need God so much.  Because, we need to know in our deepest darkest failings that our core identity has not changed.  We are Beloved.

So, for now, I will keep my eyes less on the things on social media and more on the things in my Bible.  I will spend the month of November as I have for many years, remembering what I'm grateful for, and not what I lack.  I will do my best to forgive others when they are human and I will also try to forgive myself.  I will try to see the world with the eyes of Jesus, and see the wonder of it all.

What about you?  Do you find yourself getting caught up in the comparison trap of social media?  Do you need to take time to refocus as well?  What are ways you keep yourself in check?

Love, Semalee

The Journey of a Thousand Miles begins with One Step

(This post contains affiliate links which, when you purchase from I receive a small commission.  This does not cost you anything, but helps me to keep blogging:) 

If you've read my blog, or you know me in person, you know that my husband and I have acquired 4 adopted children over the past 9 years.  What you may not know is that we live in a fairly small house, which is about 1500 square feet.  For a time, we had 9 people living here, but we are currently down to 6.  My aunt calls our house "The Magic House" because it just fits the people in that need to call it home.  Over time, many people have asked us if we plan to move into a larger house, and our answer is always no.  You see, I love this house.  We have lived here since the boys were little, and most of our neighbors have lived here as long as we have.  My Dad, Sister and her husband live next door, and we have a wonderful back yard.  It is an older house, and it is smaller than many, but I never wanted a big house.  I don't want us to have places to go to get away from each other.  I want us to be forced to interact.  Yes, sometimes I wish I could get more quiet, but in the end, I like the house just as it is.

However.....

What is not good about my house is the amount of stuff that lives here.  I have long felt that I needed to declutter.  Several times I have gone through and cleaned out different areas, we've moved rooms around etc, but always we are left with too much stuff and not enough places to put it.  "Everything has it's place and everything in it's place" is not currently a possibility in my house.

In another blog I read, Boho Berry, she mentioned that she had read the The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, and how it had changed her life.  I put it on my list of things to read, and there it sat for about a year.  Then, this Fall, as school was starting to get into full swing, I found myself having a hard time juggling all of the needs of homeschooling 4 children.  I decided that an Audible Membership would be helpful, because for my younger kids I could have them listen to the read aloud on Audible instead of me having to read it to them.  It was a grand idea until they didn't have the book I was looking for!  ;)  But, with Audible, you get 1 credit a month for a free book, and when you sign up, you get 2 to start with.  So, I decided to see if it had The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing on Audible where I could just listen in the car when I was driving places, and they did!  So, that's how I "read" this book, was I listened to it.

Now, I will tell you the lady who narrates the book has sort of a monotone voice and it took me a little time to get used to her, but eventually, I came to enjoy her.  I also feel I should warn you that there are some ideas in this book that I do not personally agree with, like that our belongings have feelings, and things like that, but overall that is something I can easily overlook.

If I were to give a brief synopsis of this book, it would be that she challenges us to look at stuff differently,  and, to look at decluttering differently.  She says to clean out in one fell swoop, but also says this can take months.  Just stay in intention over the time it takes.  Additionally, she suggests that instead of tidying room by room as we normally do, tidy by categories.  You are to begin with clothes, and work down a strategic order.  You can see the list easily by searching "KonMari Method" on Pinterest.  I have begun with clothes as she suggests, and found that it was much easier than I though it would be!  I have successfully tidied and discarded my clothes and my two youngest children's clothes.  Today I will get the Middles to do theirs and hopefully next week my husband will do his.  I gave away out of my own closet and the coat closet 3 large black lawn bags full of clothes, and out of my Littles' room one more.  I can tell you it feels so good to be able to see my clothes.  Already I can see how this is "Life Changing Magic".

My closet Before I Tidied

 All of my clothes from my closet piled on my bed (note these are only mine, not my husband's)

My clothes in my closet after!

She talks in the book about not having "Potato Socks".  She says we should fold our socks and stand them on end so we can see them.  (she also says they are happier that way).  I don't know if my socks are happier, but I think I am :)

You can also search KonMari Folding on Pinterest for help there.  It really does make a difference!

Here are my cute Littles as we started working on their clothes....  Stay tuned for updated pictures of their room! 

If you begin reading or following along, I would love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment below!

Love, Semalee

Confessions of an Exhausted Mom

If there were a general theme that ran through my life, other than my passionate love for Jesus, it would be exhaustion.  Are you a mom that feels this way?

I've been doing a lot of soul searching over the last couple of years because it seems like no matter what I do I just can't seem to keep up with life.  If you watched my Facebook or Instagram feed you would probably be led to believe that I have everything together and have the perfect life.  Isn't that what those feeds do?

But the reality is that I get up every morning, and before I even have my coffee I feel behind.  I still have lingering tasks that I didn't get to yesterday because of one reason or another, and I never feel like I have "arrived" at adulthood.  You know "adulthood", right?  That mythical time in ones life when they are finally responsible with their time and money and energy...  That time when all of the pieces of the evening meal are magically done at the same time, which is also the right time, and everyone eats with perfect conversation and until they are perfectly filled.  That time when your house is not in disrepair, and is always tidy, and your bed is always made....  This time does exist, doesn't it?

I think it is similar to "normal".  What is "normal", anyway?  I don't even have a mythical definition for that!

What I am beginning to believe is that we all have this unrealistic view of how life is supposed to be, and we are striving for something that no one really has.  It's actually a figment.

In July, my family spent two weeks on vacation.  We went first to Utah and visited with my Aunt and other family there.  I was reunited with my bestie for a few short days, which was wonderful, because other than my husband, she is where my soul feels at home..... and then we went to Colorado to visit with my Dad and brothers and niece there.  While we were visiting with my Dad, he was talking about a conversation he had recently had with a friend that went like this:

Friend:, "I'm not sure you'd like my family, it is quite dysfunctional"
Dad:, "Is there any other kind?"

Isn't that a freeing statement?  Is there any other kind?  You see we all have our own form of "dysfunctional" that follows us.  There is not a single one of us who "has arrived".  I honestly believe that to be truth.  And, our desire, our drive to show the world through social media that we have, in fact arrived is causing people everywhere to feel unworthy, and unloved.

There are times in life when people truly are unloved.  Times that are terrible for people.  There are people in every society who feel outcast, unworthy, even worthless.  There are people everywhere who wonder on a regular basis if the people around them would be better off without them.  And people every day who believe that lie and take the situation into their own hands.  When this happens the people around them are forever changed, forever missing an important piece of their heart.

There are times when people are rejected by people they love, by their parents, their spouse, their friends.

There are times when we, as society cast people out because they don't act like us, think like us, look like us.

There are times when we truly don't measure up- maybe we don't get the job we wanted, or the achieve a goal we set.

What I'm saying is, there are plenty of real times in our lives when we will not make the cut, or people around us will not accept us for who we are.  This is as old as time.   There will never be a time on this earth when that isn't true; so let's not add to that heartbreak by comparing ourselves to others on social media.  It's a battle you won't win, because what is on social media is merely a snapshot of one's highlight reel.

So, back to exhausted.  I've got a lot of balls in the air any given moment.  It's part of being a mom.  It's part of being a mother of a Type 1 Diabetic.  It's part of being a wife of a police officer.  It's part of being an adoptive parent.  It's part of being a parent of traumatized children.  It's part of being part of a large family.  There are just......a lot of balls.  That's the reality.  Some of them will drop.  But, I am finding some things to be quite helpful to me, and I'll be sharing them over the next several weeks as we get ready to go "back to school"

For now, I just want you to know that, whatever you're feeling.  However you feel inadequate, someone else feels that way too.  And, you don't have to face that inadequacy alone.  You have a loving Father who already knows how you feel.  He already knows all of the ways you fall short.  You don't have to explain yourself to Him.  All you have to do is rest in Him.

Love, Semalee

Jesus I Need You

The People of God Will Care for Orphans. James 1:27 says, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

People often look at my family, a family who has adopted 4 children in addition to having our own 2 biological children with wonder.  Sometimes we even scare people.  Sometimes we intimidate people.  The sheer size of us can be overwhelming.  (Even to us).....  They think and say lots of things like, "You guys are saints to take in those kids", or "I could never do what you do every day", or "I don't know how you manage with all of those kids", or "I watch you and am amazed that you do it all on a Police Man's salary"......

I'll start with the salary- it isn't a lot, but when God is in control of our bread basket, suddenly 5 loaves feed 5,000.  I really don't know how the math works, but I know that God gave us these children and He will provide for them.  He does not provide for us to go on luxury vacations, or live extravagantly.  I cook most of the time because eating out is very expensive for us.  We save all year for Christmas, and when we go on big vacations we save for several years in anticipation.  We spend more money on time together and experiences than we do stuff.  We do not have one piece of new furniture in our house.  But stuff isn't what is important to us.  And our house is small.  1400 sq feet small.  But it forces us to be together, and I am glad it's small.  (most of the time)..

As for the rest of it, it isn't a pretty picture with a beautiful bow.  It's a very painful one.  The reason my faith is so strong, and that I love God the way I do is because the humans in my life have failed me.  Why do I have such a heart for the orphans?  Because I know what it's like to not have a mother's love.  My children each have stories very different than mine, but I still can relate to their longing.  As their mother now, I can promise them with absolute certainty that I will never leave them.  As long as I can be their mother, no matter how hard they are I will not abandon them.  Having my own difficult children has given me insight into what my parents had to endure when I was a child.  I understand a little more now of what it was like to parent me.  I do not understand how my mother doesn't want me anymore, but I do understand how hard I was to parent.

So, my desire to take care of these kids does not come from some super wonderful part of me.  It comes from deep pain.  It comes from a desire that my children will never feel like I do.

My love for them is sustained by my love for God.  He is my true Rock.  He sustains me and comforts me when I feel alone, or when I feel unloved or unwanted.  He always wants me.  And through His always wanting me I am taught what true love is.



"Jesus I Need You"

Hope be my anthem
Lord when the world has fallen quiet
You stand beside me
Give me a song in the night

Jesus I need You
Every moment I need You
Hear now this grace bought heart sing out
Your praise forever

Beauty for ashes
You find the weak and contrite heart
Shoulder its burdens
And carry it into the light

Remember love
Remember mercy
Christ before me
Christ behind me
Your loving kindness
Has never failed me
Christ before me
Christ behind me

The Wind and the Waves

Isn't it interesting how God shows up in the little details of life?  By reading my blog, you probably have ascertained that I'm going through some things in life that are difficult.  What I don't really talk about is my Weight Watchers Journey.  I don't talk about it with anyone, really, because its very difficult and there are a whole lot of emotions tied to my weight.  When I look in the mirror I see more than excess weight.  I see pain.  I see grief.  I see fear.  I see loss.  I see rejection. I see a whole lot of things in each particle of excess fat.  I did not get here easily.  It has been very costly.  One thing that is truly amazing about the current WW program is the meetings.  It's one thing to watch what you eat, but in the meetings they really dive into WHY we eat.  What is going on in our mind that we allow ourselves to do this?  Better still, how can we start using tools for living to make positive changes in our whole self?

The past several weeks have been especially difficult on me.  I'm finding that parenting adult children and being a mother-in-law is the hardest stage of parenting yet.  When our kids are young they need us so much.  And we need them.  We are integral parts of each others' lives.  And for a stay at home mom, often her kids are just about everything to them.  Life for the mom centers on loving our children and raising them to know they are loved, and capable.  Then they grow up.  They don't need us as much as they used to.....  But we still need them....And to mom, it was just yesterday that they came home from the hospital.  I mean I can still see in my mind's eye the first time we walked into our house with a baby carriage.  I knew this small person was going to change my entire world.  He already had.  Then as the days passed a piece of my heart started walking around.  But, every single thing he did brought me joy.  To see him struggle hurt me.  To see him grow grew me.  Letting him go to Sri Lanka 3 times took an emotional toll.  Watching him marry the love of his life- seeing him so happy- made the past 20 years flash before my eyes.

People don't talk about how hard this stage is.  We hear all about how difficult the toddler years are, and then we hear about how difficult the teen years are.  But no one really talks about young adult years.  This transition period where they branch out and start to figure out their own life.  And mom, who has been there for everything is suddenly not anymore.

They're supposed to do this.  They're supposed to move out.  They're supposed to go to college.  They're supposed to start making decisions, (even ones we disagree with).  They're supposed to separate from us.

As a parent, I understand and accept this part of life.  I want them to grow up and move out and be successful and happy in their lives.

But, I find myself wondering where I still fit in their lives.  Do I matter?  It's not that I want them tied down to me, or even want to tell them what to do.  I just want to still be able to watch them from the sidelines.  I want to still be part of their life.

Am I alone in this?

Part of my fear comes from my own broken relationship with my mom.  I know that relationships between parent and child can go south and even end.  I've experienced it.  I know how easy it is to get there.  I know the pain of this relationship in particular being broken.  So I hold on.  Maybe a little tighter than I should.  But I'm fearful.

And so, this week I let my fear take over again.

This past week has been especially difficult for me.  I am really struggling emotionally with lots of things.

So in my WW meeting after a particularly sleepless night they talked about the very thing I need to hear.  Letting go.  They talked about how when we have emotionally charged times we can think of it like the ocean.  The emotions are the waves.  If you're in the ocean, and the wave starts to build, at times it will pull you and sometimes even knock you down as it draws up and crashes over you, but then the water washes over you and you can stand strong again.  It's important to know as we are in the part of the wave that knocks us down that it will wash over and we'll be able to stand back up again.  I sat last night watching the waves at the beach thinking on this a lot as I tried to keep my emotions in check.

Then this morning I woke up and read my devotional in my Bible App....  Today's entry: The Wind and the Waves.

This is how God comforts us.  These are the things that He does every single day.  Things that, if we're not looking, we miss.  If I had missed my quiet time with Him this morning I would have missed this message from Him.  The message that He's there.  He's walking with me through this valley of pain.  When it feels like no one understands me, and I feel so very very alone, He is there.  He is there.  HE hasn't left me.  HE knows my feelings, and is still there. HE knows my emotions and doesn't shy away.  HE values me.  I don't have to fit in a box for Him.  I don't have to say the right things for Him.  I don't have to keep the appropriate amount of distance for Him.  I don't have to smile and act like everything is fine when it isn't for Him.  I can simply rest in Him.  I can just climb into His lap and cry.  And He is not burdened by it.  He will be there as the wave crashes over me.  Even if the wave takes people or things out to sea, He will remain with me.

Like An Avalance

There's a thing that happens when you have deep wounds.  Sometimes those wounds have turned to scars, sometimes, they're still in the healing process.  Sometimes the scars are easily reopened.  The truth is, I've been walking this grief journey a while.  Since childhood, really.  As a child of adoption myself I know the deep feelings of unworthiness that can lurk waiting to have an opportunity to rear their ugly head.  It doesn't matter how loved one is in their home.  It's still there.  A feeling that somehow I'm not enough.  The truth is, my adoption story is nothing like my children's individual stories, but still filled with pain.  My "step-father" adopted me, and I saw my biological father from time to time.  I say "step-father" in quotes, because he was not a "step-father" at all to me.  He was Daddy.  He loved me in spite of my wildness.  I was a difficult child.  My Shea is so much like I was.  (At least how they describe me to be).  I was wild.  They would say that if I came near sugar I was over the edge.  I would roll my eyes and think they were really ridiculous ;) Now I see when Shea thinks about sugar she goes off the rails....  I see now.  Isn't that what life is?  We hear "hindsight is 20/20" all the time, yet somehow it doesn't sink in.  I see now that I was such a difficult child.  I see now that in spite of that, my Daddy loved me.  I see now that my biological father, my Dad loved me in the best way he could, by giving distance so that my Daddy could be all in.  I see now that everyone around me were just broken people doing the best they could.  And, now I find myself with children who all have their own deep needs, and deep hurts, some related to their adoption story, some unrelated, but all needing different things.  I see myself not measuring up on a regular basis.  I see myself doing the very best I can, but still failing them each daily.  I see myself loving them all, and I see them still feeling unloved, and unworthy.  Just as I did.

The only thing I can do is try to point them to the Father.  I can't fix these wounds in their hearts.  That's the hardest part of being an adoptive family.  And it's hard for my biological children too.  They live their lives sacrificing their own comforts to provide a safe space for other children to experience our crazy life too.  One of my boys told me the other day that he has really struggled lately because when my cousin died and we got the Middles he realized family can be temporary.  He never considered that possibility before and our family is everything to us.  This is what happens when we face great loss every single day.  We can't help but be reminded that it exists.  We can't just go on with our life virtually unchanged.  It is forever changed along with our children.  Their life was changed, but so was ours.  And we do it because God called us to do so.  It is not the easy road.  Not at all.  But it is the road God called us to. 

The reality is, though we rarely realize it, we are all adopted.  Those of us in Christ's family.  It is truly what we're made of. 

"For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.  The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”  The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children." -Romans 8:14-16 

When we are ourselves adopted into Christ's family, how can we not adopt those orphans around us who need who deserve to be wholly loved for who they are?  I know not everyone is called to adopt like we have been, but my point is, this is what God has called us to.  Maybe he has called you to support those who adopt?  Maybe he's called you to mentor children in your church.  Maybe he's called you to recognize weariness on the momma at church who needs a break and offer it to her...  ALL mommas get weary. 

But, even with this deep love and devotion for our children they are still broken.  That's why we all need Jesus so much.  The only peace I have found for my own brokenness has been Jesus. 

Like An Avalanche- Hillsong United


Beautiful God
Laying Your majesty aside
You reached out in love to show me life
Lifted from darkness into light
Oh
King for a slave
Trading Your righteousness for shame
Despite all my pride and foolish ways
Caught in Your infinite embrace
Oh
And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught up in grace like an avalanche
Nothing compares to this love love love
Burning in my heart
Saviour and Friend
Breathing Your life into my heart
Your word is the lamp unto my path
Forever I'm humbled by Your love
Oh
Take my life
Take all that I am
With all that I am I will love You
Take my heart
Take all that I have
Jesus how I adore You
And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught up in grace like an avalanche
Nothing compare to this love love love

Thy Will Be Done

I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done I know you're good

But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not

So Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will I know you see me

I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Good news you have in store

So, thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord


Some days I don't have any answers.  Lots of days.  It's why I need Jesus so much.  Because daily I'm faced with reminders that I don't have the answers and I don't know what tomorrow holds.  Reminders that I can't control the outcomes of what happens around me, but I can find peace in knowing that whatever happens I do not have to walk alone. 

I recently was reminded of my deep ingrained fear of the effects of drugs on your life.  I honestly do not believe anyone to be immune to this.  I think it is completely irresponsible, and also unfair to think that because someone appears to have it all together that they are immune from the draw of artificial remedies for life's problems.  In this case, the fear is centered around drugs and their effects on those that get caught in their draw, but the same could be applied to just about any aspect of life- the woman who believes her husband is perfect, but under the surface unknown to those around him he struggles with deep issues including porn, or infidelity- the homeschooling mom who looks like her kids are all perfect ducks in a row, but inside her is a deep feeling that she isn't ever enough- the adoptive mom who adopted because there was so much love to give, but now finds herself wondering if she's the right parent for her kids...... etc.  Artificial remedies can range from drugs, to alcohol, to being a control freak, to even something beneficial like exercise.  There are many ways to address the problems of life.  Sometimes we feel like we call out to the Lord and don't see an answer, or don't like the answer.  Sometimes we just need to learn to let things go more than we do.  What is of most importance to you?

For me, the number one thing is that my children and husband know I love them and that I love God, and God loves them.  I have a mantra I use with my youngest ones who have deep issues with abandonment, and it goes: "God loves me first, and my family loves me too".....  This is a good mantra for us all.  And we need to remember, that God's love for us is not tied to whether we have the perfect marriage, successful kids, clean house, etc.  God loves us because He KNOWS us.  He knows us better than anyone.  I listened to a podcast today where the man was talking about his struggles with infidelity - it was the people who run the Undone Redone podcast, who were sharing on the Homeschooling In Real Life Podcast.  One thing he said he had to tell himself as he walked back from his struggling and exile from his church was that "God knows it all, and he loves me, these people only know a little bit".  Wow.  How often do we look to others for acceptance, and for approval when the truth is God knows us all, and the people around us only know a little.

Where this all applies to me, is, if I'm really honest, I've gotten myself into a busy-ness trap through trying to please God and others through my works.  I know that God loves me no matter what, but I try to please Him by serving His people (and others) because I love Him so much and I want others to feel the love that I feel.  But the problem here is, that as I've become more and more overwhelmed with my schedule in recent years (and am now working on reducing it) that people aren't always feeling his love at all through me, because, quite frankly, I'm too overwhelmed.

So, back to the most important thing for me: Love- my God, my children, my husband, and leaving a legacy that speaks love.

This is what I need to focus on to figure out what stays on my list, and what goes.  If it doesn't further this purposefully, and intentionally, then it goes off the list.  I'll spend the next while using this measure to examine my priorities better.

In case you're curious about the podcasts, here is the one I listened to: Homeschooling In Real Life Episode 145  and the guests were the authors of the Un Done, RE Done Podcast. 

How are you giving yourself permission to evaluate your life?  Let's share in this discussion!

Love Always,
Semalee

Disconnected

Do you ever have so many words in your head, but when tasked with writing them down nothing comes?  It's like there are too many.  Or they're stuck.  Or some of the thoughts are ugly, so, they don't have permission to come out. 

What happens to those ugly thoughts?  Sometimes they grow.  They take on a life of their own, and before you know it, a minor ugly thought has started to take over and consume you.  I don't really know the answer to this, because, the other side is that if you voice these ugly thoughts that can give them power as well. 

What I know about myself is my own head is often the worst place to be.  I can easily choose offense when I see that one of my friends has tagged several of our friends, but not me.  I can easily choose despair when my 7 year old is throwing his 10th tantrum of the day.  I can easily choose defeat when my husband looks more at his phone than me.  I can easily choose thoughts of inadequacy when I look at my messy house.  Part of the problem is where I choose to get my strength from.  All of these are real problems for just about any mom or wife, right?  We all go through ebbs and flows of feeling great about ourselves, and feeling down.  There are books about friendships, like Never Unfriended: The Secret to Finding And Keeping Lasting Friendships and Nothing to Prove: Why We Can Stop Trying So Hard that say none of these feelings are unique to me.  In this age of "connection" through FaceBook, Instagram, SnapChat etc we are finding ourselves less connected than ever.  Rarely do we visit each other's homes anymore.  Phone calls are almost a thing of the past.  I am as guilty as anyone.  As these technological advances came promising more time, I find myself with less and less and less.

If you've read my blog for any period of time, you know that I am completely in love with God.  He is the source of my strength in the hard times.  But this is the important point.  There are hard times.  Being a Christian doesn't make me immune from that.  I look for self-worth in all the wrong places a lot.  He is always beckoning me back to Him.  I know that closing up inside myself is the absolute wrong thing to do, and I need to work on changing that.  Over the next while, I'm going to spend some time thinking about how I close myself up and how I can begin to see people again.  I'll be going over the various different aspects of my life that make it what it is- grief, adoption, homeschooling, law enforcement, parenting, having adult children, being an in-law etc.  Each has it's own piece in my life.  I invite you to join with me and share your journey with me as well.  Do you crave connection too?  Let's do something about it!

I love music.  It speaks to my heart.  One of my favorite places to go to be with God is music.  And Hillsong is often the path that gets me into a place of worship.  One of my favorite albums is Empires.  If you haven't heard it, check it out.

I've been listening to this song while writing this blog:  See if it speaks to you:



Captain- Hillsong
Through waters uncharted my soul will embark
I'll follow Your voice straight into the dark
And if from the course You intend
I depart
Speak to the sails of my wandering heart
Like the wind
You'll guide
Clear the skies before me
And I'll glide this open sea
Like the stars
Your Word
Will align my voyage
And remind me where I've been
And where I am going
Lost in the shallows amidst fear and fog
Your truth is the compass that points me back north
Jesus
My Captain
My soul's trusted Lord
All my allegiance is rightfully Yours



Love, Semalee

When God Calls You...

This past Wednesday, July 27th, was a HUGE day for my family.  It was a day none of us expected to happen in our lives, but yet, it did.  You see, on July 27th we finalized our second adoption, for our Middles!  In my mind, the moment we picked them up was the moment we committed to forever with them, but there is still something about the state saying that we're family forever.  No one can come between us.  We are now legally required to love each other in the morning LOL ;)

Leading up to this day I was surprised at my emotions, because, like I said, I was committed to them from moment one.  However, I found myself relaxing a little.  Fears I didn't know existed were coming to the surface, and I was able to release them.  I also found that I had been holding on to my heart a little, afraid of the what-if, because all we had was the Will saying they were ours.  There was no real threat to our family, but still, in my mind, it wasn't over until it was over.  As I talked with the kids, I learned they had these fears too.  Maybe they knew they had these fears all along, maybe they didn't, but it's a strange thing that adoption does to your heart.  The truth is, they are no more or less my children today then they were a week ago.  If anything had tried to come between us I would have given my life to preserve our bond.  But, now we don't have to explain ourselves to the world, and that is a relief.

The moment the Judge Granted the Adoption

In some ways it was bitter-sweet for me.  It was sort of the closing of a chapter that included my cousin.  She's still with us in spirit, and very much in my heart and mind, but it was still another finalization in the fact that we lost her.  But, it was also sweet because I knew this was what she wanted.  And, it's my honor to give this last gift to my first best friend.  I just can't help but wish we were raising these kids together.  It's funny, a couple of months we talked about her and the kids coming for a visit this summer, and about her considering moving closer so we could do just that.  But, in the end, we get the pleasure of parenting these kids.

This adoption process was a lot different from our previous adoption from the CPS system.  Some things were the same, we still had to have a home study done, which was tedious and stressful, just as the first one was.  It was a little less involved as far as the property was concerned, no fire inspection, no child locks etc, but still stressful.  It's never fun to have someone come in and evaluate your home life.  And, in a family that jokes around a lot, I worried if someone would say something in jest that would be taken seriously!  LOL!  But, the good news is, now I can use this when the kids think I'm being "unreasonable" I can tell them the State of Texas has thoroughly investigated us and we're good LOL!!  It also cost a lost more, as in adopting from CPS is free and this was definitely a few thousand dollars more than free!

Some day I'll write a long detailed post about the things that are the same and the things that are different in the two adoptions. 

People ask me all the time how we're handling having so many kids, and the truth is, when God calls you to do something, He makes it possible.  It's not always easy, but it's not always hard, either.  And if I were to be able to choose the number of kids I had without consequence, this is exactly the number I would chose.  They keep our life full, and loud, and crazy.  They keep us on our toes, and challenge us every day to be better.  They remind us that there is purpose in life.  They remind us daily of how lucky we are to have each other, and have the love that we share.  No, I wouldn't change a thing about my life.  Each of my children are a unique gift, unmeasurable, and unmatchable.

With the Judge after the Adoption

Is God calling you to do something crazy?  Do it!  I will not promise it will be easy, but it will definitely be worth it!

Love,

Semalee

God Can Make Your Past Give Someone Else a Future

"God can make your past give someone else a future"...... 

Christine Caine said those words last night at a concert I attended with 3 dear friends of mine.  Christine Caine and Kari Jobe were both there for their #LiveUnashamed tour.  This night was absolutely overwhelming.  I went expecting a good concert, and a worship experience, but I did not expect to be completely overwhelmed by God.  By the end of the night I was exhausted, but cleansed.

Many of you know I have had a LOT going on over the past few years.  And, specifically in the last 5 months a WHOLE LOT.  People ask me all the time things like, "How are you even surviving?" or say things like,  "I don't know how you get everything done," and I don't actually know the answer for them......  or I didn't....   But, last night Kari Jobe and Christine Caine had a question and answer session before the concert began, and someone asked them the same question- "How do you fit it all in?"  The answer was so simple: 

When God calls you to something, He will give you supernatural power to achieve it.

Long ago God called me to be a mother.  At first, it was just to my oldest son Auston, and then my son Gregory, and that was the biggest joy of my life.  Growing up with a mother who was unable to connect with me for various reasons left me feeling alone a LOT of the time.  Do not misunderstand me, my mother loved me, but we are unable to communicate with one another.  As I grew into an adult the division only became worse.  My mother fights battles that I don't know, and it is very sad.  There is a lot of pain over the years.  Over time that pain became too wide and our relationship with each other all but stopped.  Let me say this, there is never a time in a woman's life when she doesn't need her mom.  You don't grow up and stop needing your mom.  If there's a breakdown, no matter how much pain is there, it still doesn't change anything, you still want your mom.  I lost my mom very close to 15 years ago.  Some days it feels like yesterday, and others it feels like a lifetime.  I do not understand why we had to lose each other.  If I had my choice, it would not be this way.  And before you go thinking it can't happen to you, or that my mom must be some kind of monster, let me assure you she isn't.  She is a wonderful counselor who has helped many, many people, and specifically helped literally hundreds of women escape and heal from Domestic Violence situations.  Many people credit her with saving their life, and they should.  She is absolutely amazing at what she does.

So, why?  There are so many things in this life that we will simply not know the answer to.  I will say, that that void in my life as produced a lot of fruit though. 

"You planned something bad for me, but God produced something good from it, in order to save the lives of many people, just as he's doing today" Genesis 50:20 CEB

Through this brokenness I've learned to truly lean on God.  He is the ONE who sustains me when people fail.  and they do.  I've learned to give love when it hurts.  I've learned about walking away in love.  I've had to trust God and let go.

The disintegration of my relationship with my mother left me with an empty hole, love that had no where to go.  Here we were, living the life, 2 fantastic boys, happy marriage, house, car etc.  We had everything we could want.  But I had an emptiness.  So, I began crying out to God.  And, He told me that we should foster children.  He showed me that there are so many children out there who for one reason or another are not receiving the love they need from their mother just like me.  And, if I could make a difference in just one of their lives, show them God's love, it might help us both.

So, we became licensed for foster care.  And shortly after adopted 2 children....  Well, I say shortly, it was over a couple of years...

And, I began to see the fruits of what Christine Caine said last night: 

"God can make your past give someone else a future"...... 

It's work.  It doesn't come easily.  It's messy.  It's beautiful.

Then, in January of this year we became the proud parents to two more children...

"God can make your past give someone else a future"...... 

Every morning I get up and I'm mom to 6 kids.  It is exhausting.  It's scary.  It's overwhelming.  It's my calling.  I know each day how important it is to be fully engaged (and I fail All.THE.TIME), and I know how much these kids need me.  I know, because I know what it's like to lose your mom.  And I know how it hurts.  And how the hurt never goes away.  But I also know God is the ultimate healer and he will redeem even this in their lives as well.

When we go through hard things we often cry out to God to ask Him to stop the hard things.  Maybe we're doing it wrong.  Maybe we need to let the hard things come, and cry out to God, "God, how would you use this to give someone else a future?".

Love, Semalee

Lenten Reflections

Every year as Lent approaches I feel weary from the busy-ness of the holiday season and getting back into the grove afterward…  I find myself longing for some time for reflection, and drawing back to God.  It always seems to come just when I need a recharge….

And this year is no different.  The Fall/Winter season has left me overwhelmed and tired.  I came down with Shingles in November and it seemed to never end….  By the time I was coming out of the fog that the Shingles and the medicine for them put me in I was surrounded by loose ends and things left undone or done wrong.  As I type this I am still feeling behind in the things I usually try to stay on top of….  I’m surrounded by a mountain of laundry, and many other chores that have not gotten the attention they need…

But the household chores aren’t the only things that have not gotten the attention that they need.  My family hasn’t either.  It seems like I’ve talked for quite some time about needing to get some things off my plate, and having Shingles made that even more evident to me.  As I went through the Fall/Winter season it seemed like my whole world was falling apart.  My marriage has suffered.  My kids have suffered.  I have suffered.  Even my relationship with God has suffered.

Life has a way of passing us by.  We can be present in the moment and still miss it.  This is something that has baffled. me for a long time.  I’ve homeschooled my kids for 8 years and still feel like I have missed so much….  how???

Many days, especially recently, I’ve found myself going from day to day, just trying to make it from sun up to sun down. 

There have even been days in the last year when I have said to myself, “I hate my life”.

In reality, I don’t.  If I take a minute to step away from the pure exhaustion, I have a great life.  I have many, many things to be thankful for.  I guess this is a lot of the reason I haven’t really talked about my dark feelings.  I know there are so many others who have much less to be thankful for than I do.  But that doesn’t make the pain any less real.

Maybe you’ve felt this way.  Maybe you’ve felt this aloneness that I am talking about.

But God.

I say it all the time- it never ceases to amaze me the way our God cares for us in such a personal way in the middle of our trials.  Sometimes we’re so wrapped up we don’t see it, but He is always there.

In the last couple of weeks I’ve had a couple of messages that I know came from God…  One in the form of an email from my Dad, asking me if my heart was ok…  Interesting, since it has been broken recently…..  And another from a host of mine from Pampered Chef who sent me a message on Facebook telling me she had dreamed I was depressed and she needed to talk to me about it.  Why do I know these were from God?

My dad lives in Colorado, and I haven’t been able to talk to him for a while because of the busyness, so he had no idea how I was feeling…

My host is just that- someone who I met through my business, who doesn’t know me on a personal level more than facebook and we are not in the same circle for her to know I have been struggling.  Perhaps her message touched me the most.  That she would follow through and message me, and take the risk of being vulnerable enough to share her dreams with  me.  Isn’t this the gift of Christian Sisterhood at work?

“I have told you this so that through me you may have peace. In the world you'll have trouble, but be courageous—I've overcome the world!"  John 16:33

So, yes, it’s been a very dark time for me.  Things have happened in my life that have shaken me to my core.  I’ve let go of some things and endured some hurts that no one should.  Things I have only shared with my inner core of friends.  My inner core of prayer warriors whom I knew would pray for me.  And through this I have felt the power of prayer.  I have had days when I feel like everything will be ok, and days when I haven’t.  I don’t yet know what “ok” is, but I know at this point that I will get there.  And that’s an improvement.

So, back  to Lent…  It’s fitting that I’ve been through an emotional and spiritual winter, and I am now about to head in to Spring.  As the weather warms up, and new beginnings are all around, I’m looking for my own new beginnings.  That, in fact, is exactly what Lent is about….  It’s a period of reflection, of preparing for new beginnings, of shedding off the old, clothing ourselves with the new, of cleansing our hearts, minds, and souls.  It is, essentially our Spring Cleaning as Christians.

Traditionally, something is given up for Lent.  I’ve got a couple.  One of my goals is to not yell at my kids/family/friends/insert innocent victim here…  Yes, I have had some issues with yelling.  I’m not quiet.  Never have been.  But lately, in my state of being overwhelmed, it has gotten worse, and I’m not proud of some of my behaviors.  So, I’m going to aim to keep my voice down when I get frustrated.  Second, on the evenings when I’m home, I’m going to take at least one hour where I’m not on any electronics at all.  If the kids are watching something, I will actually watch it with them.  Interact with them…  No sitting on the couch with them while they watch their thing and I do my thing on the computer/phone/ipad/insert other distraction here..  Essentially I am giving these things up, but what I’m really do is giving my presence to those I love the most….  I’ve been so busy trying to catch up with everything that I’ve forgotten the most important thing I need to catch up on--- my family.

Additionally, I try to add something during Lent that I feel will enhance my Spiritual connection to God.  For now, I’ll start with our Wednesday Soup and Study at our church, continue Bible Devotions with my husband every day, and I’m going to try to make a more conscience effort to BE STILL….

So there it is.  I have told you since the beginning this blog is about my life, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Today I’ve shared some of my ugly in the hopes that you won’t judge me, and that I am able to touch someone, somewhere and help them where they need it.

So, what are your thoughts on Lent?

Philemon 1:7

Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.

When Life Gets to be Too Much

You may or may not have noticed my lack of blogging lately.  With the exception of race recaps I’ve really not blogged anything since the New Year.  Even before that I was not consistent.  You may have even assumed by now that I’m not blogging anymore, this is just a dead blog.

In some ways that would be a completely fair assumption, since I really haven’t blogged much.  But, my intention has been to continue this blog all along.  You see, I started this blog to write about “the Good, the Bad and the Ugly of my life with a little humor mixed in”.  So, this blog has been, all along, about my life, with the intention of helping others who may have similar things going on in their life paths at the time.  Through the years, we’ve chronicled my children growing up, our foster/adoption experience, you’ve listened to me cry over my mother and our broken relationship, you know that marriage is one of my hot buttons, and you’ve read as I was healed from an 18 year affliction with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  You know I struggled with the decision to homeschool, and you know how important my faith is to me, you have cheered me on as I began my journey as a runner, and you know that being a Police Officer’s wife isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

So, I ask you to consider that my absence these past few months has also been a chronicle of events in my life, because it is the very evidence of just how busy this past year has been.  Having teenagers and toddlers at the same time is it’s own animal, and one I don’t recommend.  It has been a tough school year.  Over the past several months I have barely had any time to sit, let alone think.  Auston will graduate next year (2014), so his High School schedule really picked up this year.  He joined choir, which had us out of the house every Tuesday afternoon/evening, which was quite a challenge.  It effectively took several hours out of my already busy week.  There is definitely a tipping point where you find yourself on the downhill side of being too busy, and I think we found that this year. 

Our schedule this year looked something like this:

Sunday: Church, Youth Group
Monday: Shea to Therapy, Boy Scouts
Tuesday: Tuesdays with Mom, Choir
Wednesday: Youth Group
Thursday: Bagel Run, Bible Study, HIS Classes, Date Night
Friday: Sports Day

You can see this put one of the adults in this house out every evening, with some Fridays and Saturdays home.  I have had many people tell me to just hang on, it is a season….  And, that is honestly what got me through the year, but really, it was too much.

This week is the first week off of the majority of our activities, Youth Group will continue until the middle of June, but the bulk of them are done, so I’ve found myself this week taking a look around my filthy house and beginning to take stock of where I need to focus now that I have some time.  I’ve written out a new weekly cleaning plan, and started to catch up on all of the things that haven’t been done….  It will take me a few weeks to get a handle on this monster…

Through all of this craziness I maintained my running, sometimes better than others.  Last week I only got two runs in because the boys were gone on a camp out for 3 days, but this week has been an oddity.  I find myself at Wednesday and haven’t run a mile yet for the week.  I have been getting in activity each day, I started participating in a plank challenge with my MRTT chapter, and I’ve been doing some leg work and some push ups, but I haven’t RUN.  My main excuse is that the babies have been getting up early lately, and I am nervous about being gone and them getting up.  Normally I would just get one of the boys to come to the living room, but they’ve been just as busy as I have, so I’m trying to give them a week or two to rest too.  So, this morning I thought to myself, is it really THAT big of a deal that I haven’t run in 6 days?  In some ways it is, because you loose some endurance, but I don’t really have that much to begin with LOL…  But really, is it a bad thing for me to take a couple of days off?  I mean, my life has been so crazy these last several months, I think it really IS ok to take a few days, even a week or two, and regroup.  It hasn’t even been an option for so long.  And really, my next big race isn’t until the end of July, and even that one I can take down from a half if I need to, so if I’m going to take a breather, now is the time to do it, before I have to get training hard for my fall racing schedule.

So, I’ll go to the Bagel run in the morning, because I really, really do enjoy it.  But I’m giving myself permission to run my long run this week or not.  And next week I’ll be camping, so I’ll probably only get a couple of miles in then too.  I’ll take this time to work on some strength training that I’m generally worried about doing because I don’t want to be too sore to run LOL.  I really need strength training, and my lack of muscle really affects my run, so I need to get over that… (which is why I joined the plank challenge), and then once we get back from camping I’ll hit the roads hard again.  I just want to make sure that my training doesn’t become such a burden that I don’t enjoy running.  THAT would be REALLY bad, since it is like the one thing I do for myself… 

What do you think?  Have you ever taken a breather from something without dropping it entirely?

Family Time Friday- Thoughts, actions, words

“Watch your Thoughts, for they become Words…
       Choose your Words, for they become Actions…
             Be mindful of your Actions, for they develop your Character”- author unknown

This was the signature of an email I received.  I really feel like this is a powerful statement.  How often do we will things into action?  Take your marriage, for example.  If you don’t watch your thoughts the resentment bug can destroy your marriage in seconds flat.  On the flip side of that coin, the way you think about your spouse in positive ways transpires to deepened relationship as well. 

Now let’s look at this with our kids…  If you are constantly thinking that your kid is lazy, then those words will come out of your mouth, and then the child believes it and they become lazy….  If you think of your child as incredibly kind, that will transpire as well.  I’m not saying to have unrealistic thoughts, or even expectations.  Just remember, that your children know what you think about them, and for me, I want my children to know I think the best of them.  It helps them to develop their character.

For myself, I can have the same power.  If I look in the mirror and think to myself about how fat I am all the time, next thing I know I’m saying I’m nothing but a fat girl, and then I’m becoming that fat girl that I thought myself to be.  Or, incompetent, or insecure, or unreliable, unable to be on time…  the possibilities are endless…  And, if I think to myself things like, “I am a beloved child of God, perfect in his sight, and dearly loved”, I feel that love and then I leak that love out to others…

Remember the song, “Be careful little children what you see…  Be careful little children what you see…  For your Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful little children what you do…”

Or another thing I tell my kids- “Garbage in, Garbage out”..  meaning they need to guard what they let into their hearts and minds, because if they put garbage in, garbage will come out.

These are all good reminders for how we relate with our kids, but also good reminders for how we relate to our spouses, our friends, and ourselves.

Purposeful Time With My Kids

Time goes by so fast.  Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it when we’re in the moment, but it really does.  I look at my kids and the pictures from the past and think to myself, “Where did the time go”.  Which brings me to another thought.  What have I done to purposefully spend time with my kids lately?  The past couple of weeks have been full of holiday stuff, so we did  a bunch of stuff- rode the Polar Express, Christmas stuff, New Year’s Party (we always party with the kids), and Moody Gardens.  But what about normal every day life.  I often find myself so busy going to and fro that I’m exhausted by the time I’m not running and I’m really not up for doing much with the kids.  ;(

As 2011 drew to a close I knew one of my goals for 2012 would be to spend more purposeful time with my kids.  2011 was a year of trying to spend more purposeful time with my husband, and it has completely changed our relationship.  (Not that it was bad before, it’s just so much more deep now).  I’m hoping to do the same with my kids.  So, on my calendar for January I have at least 2 family nights on my calendar.  I’m not planning anything big for these nights, maybe just play some games or something.  Or even do a project to fix up the house together.  But the important thing is it’s on the calendar. 

I found last year that if there is a spot open on my calendar it gets filled.  I am often gone every night of the week between taking the kids to their activities, date night, and the other things I’m involved in.  Many weeks I found myself frustrated that it seemed like I was burning the candle at both ends and doing nothing but holler at my kids.  My calendar is still full this month, but I’m scheduling in down time so that it happens. 

What about you?  What do you do to keep the balance?

2011- A Recap!

It’s that time….  Time to start thinking about resolutions again…  but before looking forward, it’s always a good idea to examine from where we came…..

I’ve done this for a few years now…  Here are the recaps for 2010, 2009, and 2008 if you’re interested….  It’s fun to look back and see what I had to say about those years and how much our lives have changed since then!

So, in 2011 we had many exciting things happen,  here’s my recap:

January: 

January began with the anticipation of finalizing our adoptions.  We had just finalized other aspects in court at the end of December, so now we were looking forward to having the CPS chapter of our lives over with.  Shea turned 2 in January, and became even more active and busy than she was before.  People say of their children, “They’re 2 going on 20”…  Well….  Shea actually IS “2 going on 20”.  She’s going to rule the world some day.  Does this give you a bit of a picture of “Shea Speed”?

February:

In February our daughter by heart, Heather, came to stay with us for a little while, before finding out she was pregnant.  She then decided to move in with her sister.  We continued on with the many CPS and ECI visits on our adoption journey.  It seemed that our schedule was only getting more and more full…..

March:

In March Michael was asked to be on the Discovery Team for the church.  Discovery is a spiritual retreat the church puts on every year designed to help you grow deeper in your faith.  It was a big, big commitment, but when Discovery took place in April I think we could all agree it was life changing for the team as well as the pilgrims.  I’m so glad he got to do this.  We also got word from the County that Michael’s department was going to face a major budget cut, including lay offs and pay cuts.  Michael was able to keep his job, but he was reduced to 32 hours a week (resulting in a 20% pay cut), and his schedule was changed.  It was quite frightening knowing our budget was already stretched, and that once the babies were adopted we’d no long receive foster money either, resulting in an even deeper cut.  But, we took the news by hitting our knees in prayer, and, I’m proud to say we made it through.  It wasn’t until December that his pay was reinstated, but God provided for us every step of the way.  Also in March Auston found out that he was elected to the Order of the Arrow in Boy Scouts, which was quite an honor.

April:

In April Auston and Gregory attended a Teen Pact Class in Austin, for which they needed a suit…  They look sharp, huh?

Also in April I was helping Michelle out by watching her kids, here they are in front of the cross on Easter at the church.  It was a bit of an adjustment to have 6 children instead of 4 in tow many days, but I wouldn’t trade the time I got to spend with them, and they with each other.  I knew I couldn’t do it for long, so I just tried to enjoy them while I had them until Michelle found another babysitter. 

May:

In May, Gregory graduated from the Encourager Homeschool Enrichment Program, and turned 12, and was elected Senior Patrol Leader of the troop, Auston completed his Ordeal for the completion of is election into the Order of the Arrow, and was elected Assistant Senior Patrol Leader for the troop, and Calley graduated from Midland Lee High School with HIGH honors.  It was a very very busy month! 

June:

June… Oh June….  In June our family was finalized.  We are now officially Shea and William’s forever family and they ours.  June holds a major importance in our lives now.  It was an incredible way to start the summer

We could not believe how many people came out to our adoption to celebrate our family.  It was amazing to see that these people love our children as much as we do and were just as happy for us.  Really.  Words can’t describe how much it meant to us to have everyone there.  It made the day what it was supposed to be.  About community and love.  And sharing that love.

Seriously.  Do you see how many people were there to support us?  Could we be any luckier?  Even the judge was taken a back by the volume of people….

We are sooooo blessed….

It was a good day

Also in June, Semalee’s Oma, Lois Cook passed away.  She is dearly missed.

July:

In July Semalee went to Boy Scout Summer Camp with the boys again.  This year we headed back to Oklahoma, to Camp Hale.  It was an eventful trip, to say the least, complete with a broken down trailer and 3 out of 4 of the adults getting the flu the last night there and driving home sick…..  Blech….  Again I say, if they say I wasn’t a good mom, they need to read these recaps….    We also had a party to celebrate the adoptions, and had a special service at our church.  It was strange to realize that at that service the adoptions felt so much more real to us then they did in court.  We are so blessed by our church family as well. 

As if that wasn’t enough, Michael and I celebrated 15 years of marriage.  Weird to think after all this time I still love him with everything in me, and even weirder that he still loves me

August:

In August Auston spent 2 weeks at Camp Eagle as part of the service team.  It was sooooo weird to have him gone for that long.  And when he came back he was quite different.  My boy is growing up so fast.  The rest of us just tried to relax as best as we could, and started preparing for the school year.  Auston is doing 10th grade and Gregory is doing a majority of work from 8th grade…

September:

Mikey turned 40 in September…  FORTY….  Man he’s old~!!!!    I did not make this cake, my friend Terri did, and she did a great job.  We spent September getting ready for Terri’s wedding and settling into school for the year.  I made the wedding cake for Terri and Jeff’s wedding.  While I was happy with how it turned out, I’m not interested in making another wedding cake…… ever……

Michael was spoiled with a birthday MONTH instead of just one lousy day

October:

And in a blink it was October.  Our daughter by heart gave birth to our Granddaughter by heart, Makinzee just a few days before Auston turned 15.  Auston got his learner’s permit, and I am scared to death of the big 1-6 and him driving BY HIMSELF….. 

I also went to Women of Faith in San Antonio with my very dear friend Gwenn.  It was a wonderful experience, one we hope to repeat annually

November:

Michael was able to go to St. Louis for an Affected Coworker’s retreat with COPS in November.  He was really glad he went.    And, Semalee turned 37, and William turned two   We shared a birthday party with Zeny, who turned 3 a few days after William’s birthday.  I made a Dora and Diego cake for their birthday….

December:

And, before we knew it we were in December.  It was to be our first Christmas knowing that we had these babies forever.  Much anticipation preceded the event   We’d all done some growing since last year, and we were all breathing a little easier.  Shea got over her fear of Santa, for which we were so grateful for, since we had tickets to ride the Polar Express!  We cut down our tree at our favorite tree farm, and maintained as much of our traditions as possible amidst our crazy busy schedule.  Christmas day brought a visit from Heather and Makinzee, and some much needed rest.

As we look forward to 2012, we have so much to be thankful for this year.  Yes…. soooo much to be thankful for.  I can’t even imagine how 2012 could top 2011….  but with Michael and Auston planning a mission trip to Sri Lanka there’s some potential

 

From our family to yours, we hope your year has been wonderful as well!  May God bless you in 2012!