Thursday Thoughts- Does your day run you?

Phew- it's been a while since I wrote my post on ABA Therapy (Applied Behavioral Therapy) and how it's working in our home.  We still continue to work with Dr. Salek to fine tune our behaviors and find more of a semblance of normal.  We've been working with her for about 6 months now, and if you had told me that in 6 months my life would be this different from what it was, I would have called her so much sooner.  So, if you're in the Houston area and you're struggling with very difficult behaviors in your home from one or more of your children that are related to autism, adoption, bipolar, anxiety etc, and you feel like your child is holding you hostage, please call her.  I am here to tell you it is worth every penny and every moment.  Do not wait, because 6 months from now you will wish you had called today!  (FYI I do not get any compensation from her, I just wholeheartedly believe in her).

So, one of the things that she implemented, was a schedule.  We set up schedules for the kids to help regulate what they do during the day, how much time is spent on media (TV, Tablet, Computer etc) and how much time they have free to do as they wish.  We also put into the schedule morning, afternoon, and evening chores.  If I'm being completely honest, I'll tell you the afternoon chores just don't happen consistently, so I'm working those back out of our schedule, which is an important point about the schedule- you are not locked in!  The schedule can, and will change.  But, the morning and evening chores do and that has helped all of us tremendously.  It helps the kids know that they have value, because they have purpose in our home. It helps me not feel quite as overwhelmed because I'm not the only one responsible for the chores.  It also gives me an opportunity to sit down and relax for a moment.  For example, after dinner the kids do the after dinner chores, and I usually sit in my bed, or on the couch and play a game or two on my tablet during this down time.  It's nice to have some down time when the kids are still awake.

In the beginning there was a schedule for William.  Then we decided that all of the kids should have one, so that William didn't feel singled out, and truly, they all could use one anyway if for no other reason to regulate the media time.  (Does anyone else struggle with feeling like media takes over their household)...  Once we got them all rolling in schedules of their own I decided that writing a new schedule each day was way too much for us.  I could see the value in it, and I could really see how knowing what the day held helped William with his anxiety and consequently his mood, but I could also see that I was about to go under the waters of overwhelm real fast.   So, I went to pinterest looking for templates or something to make this ABA Schedule easier.  What I found, were references to Managers of Their Homes, a program by Terri Maxwell, that I had heard about in the past, but never actually tried.  I decided that I needed to give it a try and see if it helped us.  I will tell you the program, along with their software, ScheduleBreeze has really helped us tremendously.

There were many things I learned as we implemented the schedule.  One of them was that I didn't have any space for me.  Not only did I need that space, but the kids need to know that I have space for me because I'm modeling for them how they should organize their day.  Do I want their days full of doing more and more and more, with no time to just be?  So, now we all have schedules, and it helps me to keep myself in line as well.

Colossians 4:5 says, “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.”  Over the next little while we'll spend some time talking about what the best use of time is.  I will give you a teaser- it's not busyness, or even productivity.

Stay tuned for more on how I'm getting my life together :)

Love, Semalee

Thursday Thoughts: The Comparison Trap

Recently I've taken a break from social media.  It's now been more than a month that I've been off social media and I've learned a few things.

It's all too easy to get caught up in the world of social media and forget that what goes on there is pretty far from reality.  I know that it is a way to keep in touch with people, but how often do we use it as a crutch to believe that we are staying in touch, when really we aren't.  We're just looking in on someone's life, but still keeping a distance.  There's not a place on our Facebook wall where we can sit together and talk about the things that really are bothering us.

What really got me convicted to take a break was the change I was seeing in myself.  I have always been a person who truly enjoys seeing my friends have a good time, even when it didn't include me. It really has been a thing that doesn't bother me.  But lately, I find myself in a sort of "in between" stage.  I think it has some to do with the fact that I have adult children and teen age children and young children.  Because of this dynamic, I often don't feel like I truly "fit" with any group. My friends who have children my adult children's ages are now entering the empty nest time in their lives and don't have the worries of the 7 and 8 year old life that we do.  My friends who have young kids my Littles' ages are much younger than we are and have a totally different take on many things as a result.  I have some friends who have teenage kids, but the teenage years are so difficult with time being so scarce that there's not a lot of room to connect there either.

And, I'm also finding that being a mom of adult kids who are going out into the world and living their own lives is much harder than I anticipated.  So much of my life has been all about them, and now their lives are (rightfully so) not about me.  I miss my boys.

These things have worked together to knock down my self esteem a bit.  As this has happened, I've begun looking at Facebook differently.  I've noticed more where I don't seem to stack up to others.  My friends get together and instead of me being happy about it for them, I'm feeling sorry for myself, and wondering why I wasn't invited.  I've lost my sense of true identity, because I allowed Facebook/Instagram/SnapChat etc to define it for me instead of the One who truly loves me and knows me.

I was reading a devotional in the Bible app recently called "People of the Second Chance".  There was a quote in there that really hit me to the core, and I think it is well worth repeating.  It was, "My truest, nonnegotiable identity is the beloved.  And in spite of my checkered past, my fabulous flops, my painful history, my deepest flaws, my boneheaded screw-ups, and yes, even beyond my own beliefs about myself, I am God's beloved.  This is my foundational identity of every human being.

"This is important because identity is the engine that dries the relationship not only with ourselves, but also with God and others.  If your identity is broken, your life is broken.  If you define it incorrectly, you will carry that wrong definition into your story.  if all you see are your limitations, you will miss out on the stunning possibilities God is creating in front of you."  I assume more can be found in his book, People of the Second Chance: A Guide to Bringing Life-Saving Love to the World

This really spoke to me, though.  You see, one thing I will never claim to be is perfect.  One thing I do not have is "it all together".  I'm just like any other wife and mom out there who spends time bouncing between overwhelmed and barely getting by most of the time.  I have deep regrets as a mom, things I wish I could do over, ways I wish I could better show my kids how much I love them.  I have deep regrets as a wife, ways that I have not been a good partner to my husband, times when I didn't give him the grace he deserved.  I have deep regrets as a child, things I've said, and ways I've acted out towards my parents, and most particularly my mother.  I have failed in many ways at being a good friend, too.  I've said things that hurt my friends, that were not intended to do so, but still did.  You can't unsay things once they've been said.  All of these people are people who I love so dearly, yet I have made mistakes.  And now, as a mother in law, I find myself failing in many ways there too. I am human.  I am far from perfect.  And the people who I love are also human.  We fail.  All of us.  It's just one of the reasons we need God so much.  Because, we need to know in our deepest darkest failings that our core identity has not changed.  We are Beloved.

So, for now, I will keep my eyes less on the things on social media and more on the things in my Bible.  I will spend the month of November as I have for many years, remembering what I'm grateful for, and not what I lack.  I will do my best to forgive others when they are human and I will also try to forgive myself.  I will try to see the world with the eyes of Jesus, and see the wonder of it all.

What about you?  Do you find yourself getting caught up in the comparison trap of social media?  Do you need to take time to refocus as well?  What are ways you keep yourself in check?

Love, Semalee

Finding Ourselves again

(This post contains affiliate links which, when you purchase from I receive a small commission.  This does not cost you anything, but helps me to keep blogging:) 

Well, our journey The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizingis continuing.  It's incredibly freeing to be making our way through this process and really finding our stuff and ourselves again.  I talked in the last post about how Marie Kondo suggests that you go through your belongings by categories, instead of rooms.  Clothes were first, and I shared this picture of my Littles as we went through their clothes.  I share again here, because I want you to see a little of the state of their room.  Unfortunately, I didn't do a good job of getting before pictures in their room, but these pictures are actually pretty representative of how their room was most of the time.  On this day we were going through their clothes, but there were only a few more on the floor than usual ;)

So, the next category is books.  I went into their room to get their books decluttered, and in the end, we just finished their entire room.  It was really at a place where we had enough invested that we basically HAD to finish it to do anything else.  And, their belongings are basically clothes, books and toys, right?  So in a surprise turn of events it only took 1 afternoon to completely finish their room.  I was very proud of them both as they helped me go through everything and willingly let go of a lot of things they don't play with or use anymore.  They were both excited at the idea of each having their own "space" in their room (another thing she suggests in the book) and excited at being able to make their room how they wanted it. :)  It was amazing the amount of stuff that went out of their room.  We took out 4 large bags of GARBAGE.  Yes.  FOUR.  Oh my.  While cleaning, I found my daughter's stash of wrappers from all the food she sneaks :(.  But she was embarrassed that I found it and told me she is really trying to grow up and not sneak anymore :)

We even got rid of a bunch of furniture that wasn't really being used and was taking up more space in their room.  (The couch is from the living room)

 At the end of the day, both Littles are thrilled with how their room turned out and they've been playing in there a whole lot more.  They have both expressed their excitement at being able to find their toys when they want them.  It's funny- before they really didn't play with any of their toys, and really didn't want to be in their room.  I think it was because they were so overwhelmed in there that it was a stressful environment for them.  Now they both seem more at peace in all aspects.  This tidying thing really does feel a little like magic......

My husband even went though his hung clothes, (still needs to do his dresser) and cleaned off his end table.  I REALLY wish I had a before picture of THAT!  But what was really good, was that while cleaning off his end table he found a check for $100 that he had forgotten about from this Spring!  So, this gave me the perfect opportunity to highlight to him how our clutter is literally costing us money!  He now sees how important it is to get our house cleaned up now!  :)

(If you look, you can kind of see his end table- it's the one on the left.  Note the piling!  LOL)

If you begin reading or following along, I would love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment below!

Love, Semalee

The Journey of a Thousand Miles begins with One Step

(This post contains affiliate links which, when you purchase from I receive a small commission.  This does not cost you anything, but helps me to keep blogging:) 

If you've read my blog, or you know me in person, you know that my husband and I have acquired 4 adopted children over the past 9 years.  What you may not know is that we live in a fairly small house, which is about 1500 square feet.  For a time, we had 9 people living here, but we are currently down to 6.  My aunt calls our house "The Magic House" because it just fits the people in that need to call it home.  Over time, many people have asked us if we plan to move into a larger house, and our answer is always no.  You see, I love this house.  We have lived here since the boys were little, and most of our neighbors have lived here as long as we have.  My Dad, Sister and her husband live next door, and we have a wonderful back yard.  It is an older house, and it is smaller than many, but I never wanted a big house.  I don't want us to have places to go to get away from each other.  I want us to be forced to interact.  Yes, sometimes I wish I could get more quiet, but in the end, I like the house just as it is.

However.....

What is not good about my house is the amount of stuff that lives here.  I have long felt that I needed to declutter.  Several times I have gone through and cleaned out different areas, we've moved rooms around etc, but always we are left with too much stuff and not enough places to put it.  "Everything has it's place and everything in it's place" is not currently a possibility in my house.

In another blog I read, Boho Berry, she mentioned that she had read the The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, and how it had changed her life.  I put it on my list of things to read, and there it sat for about a year.  Then, this Fall, as school was starting to get into full swing, I found myself having a hard time juggling all of the needs of homeschooling 4 children.  I decided that an Audible Membership would be helpful, because for my younger kids I could have them listen to the read aloud on Audible instead of me having to read it to them.  It was a grand idea until they didn't have the book I was looking for!  ;)  But, with Audible, you get 1 credit a month for a free book, and when you sign up, you get 2 to start with.  So, I decided to see if it had The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing on Audible where I could just listen in the car when I was driving places, and they did!  So, that's how I "read" this book, was I listened to it.

Now, I will tell you the lady who narrates the book has sort of a monotone voice and it took me a little time to get used to her, but eventually, I came to enjoy her.  I also feel I should warn you that there are some ideas in this book that I do not personally agree with, like that our belongings have feelings, and things like that, but overall that is something I can easily overlook.

If I were to give a brief synopsis of this book, it would be that she challenges us to look at stuff differently,  and, to look at decluttering differently.  She says to clean out in one fell swoop, but also says this can take months.  Just stay in intention over the time it takes.  Additionally, she suggests that instead of tidying room by room as we normally do, tidy by categories.  You are to begin with clothes, and work down a strategic order.  You can see the list easily by searching "KonMari Method" on Pinterest.  I have begun with clothes as she suggests, and found that it was much easier than I though it would be!  I have successfully tidied and discarded my clothes and my two youngest children's clothes.  Today I will get the Middles to do theirs and hopefully next week my husband will do his.  I gave away out of my own closet and the coat closet 3 large black lawn bags full of clothes, and out of my Littles' room one more.  I can tell you it feels so good to be able to see my clothes.  Already I can see how this is "Life Changing Magic".

My closet Before I Tidied

 All of my clothes from my closet piled on my bed (note these are only mine, not my husband's)

My clothes in my closet after!

She talks in the book about not having "Potato Socks".  She says we should fold our socks and stand them on end so we can see them.  (she also says they are happier that way).  I don't know if my socks are happier, but I think I am :)

You can also search KonMari Folding on Pinterest for help there.  It really does make a difference!

Here are my cute Littles as we started working on their clothes....  Stay tuned for updated pictures of their room! 

If you begin reading or following along, I would love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment below!

Love, Semalee

Are You the Carrot, the Egg, or the Coffee?

*This one’s long, but I think worth the read*

Ah Facebook…  It is both good and bad.  Today I got a nugget that I really felt the need to share.  And by share I mean more than hit the share button on Facebook, but I felt I needed to put it on my blog.

You all know I’ve been going through some adversity lately, and, I know some of my friends who are going through adversity with life changes and other things of life.

As I’m in this period of my life, this time where I’m feeling like I’m off the plate, I am often feeling a little invisible, wondering how I can bring light to the world outside my home.  I know that my primary ministry right now is inside my home.  I fight it a little, though, because I want to be more social than I am able to be right now.  I want to give to others pieces of my heart and have them trust me with theirs.  I want to be able to serve my friends more when they need a little something.  I really enjoy being able to do things for people, like bring them a meal, take them to coffee, take their kids for a little while so they can have a minute.  I find an enormous amount of joy in doing for others.  But, right now, I’m tapped out at home.  I’m struggling to make it through my own daily tasks and am unable to give out to others.  It is very difficult for me to feel this way.  I know it is a season, and I know I’m doing as the Lord wants right now, but it is still hard. 

I have often used this blog as a way to give a little emotionally to the world.  I hope to make you think, and hope that together, we can make each other better people.  It is a give take relationship, but I haven’t been giving a lot here lately either. 

As I was praying about and reflecting on some things in my life last night and this morning, I really felt  that God was telling me that I need to be present in the way that I can.  Then I read a blog post by the former chaplain for the DOK that really spoke to me about being part of a whole.  And then as I mindlessly scrolled through my main window to the world- Facebook- I read the blurb below about the Carrot, Egg, and Coffee.  And it really hit me--

There are people around me who are feeling emotionally beat up.  I can’t physically be there right now (because, let’s be honest, my two Littles do NOT foster an environment of peace and tranquility LOL), but I can write….  I need to be an encourager to the people around me.  To be more present where I can- in writing.  Finding the time to do this will prove difficult, but I know from past experience that when God calls me to do something, He finds a way to make it happen.  So, look for some more activity on here from me soon. 

I hope you will enjoy this and it will speak to you like it did me. 

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She then pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.
The granddaughter then asked, "What does it mean, Grandmother?"
Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity -- boiling water -- but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of your life. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level?
How do you handle adversity? Are you changed by your surroundings or do you bring life, flavor, to them?
ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

As for me, I think I have been each of the three and can be each of the three at any given moment.  I like to think I’m the coffee, but if I’m really honest I’m the egg a lot too.

When Life Gets to be Too Much

You may or may not have noticed my lack of blogging lately.  With the exception of race recaps I’ve really not blogged anything since the New Year.  Even before that I was not consistent.  You may have even assumed by now that I’m not blogging anymore, this is just a dead blog.

In some ways that would be a completely fair assumption, since I really haven’t blogged much.  But, my intention has been to continue this blog all along.  You see, I started this blog to write about “the Good, the Bad and the Ugly of my life with a little humor mixed in”.  So, this blog has been, all along, about my life, with the intention of helping others who may have similar things going on in their life paths at the time.  Through the years, we’ve chronicled my children growing up, our foster/adoption experience, you’ve listened to me cry over my mother and our broken relationship, you know that marriage is one of my hot buttons, and you’ve read as I was healed from an 18 year affliction with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  You know I struggled with the decision to homeschool, and you know how important my faith is to me, you have cheered me on as I began my journey as a runner, and you know that being a Police Officer’s wife isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

So, I ask you to consider that my absence these past few months has also been a chronicle of events in my life, because it is the very evidence of just how busy this past year has been.  Having teenagers and toddlers at the same time is it’s own animal, and one I don’t recommend.  It has been a tough school year.  Over the past several months I have barely had any time to sit, let alone think.  Auston will graduate next year (2014), so his High School schedule really picked up this year.  He joined choir, which had us out of the house every Tuesday afternoon/evening, which was quite a challenge.  It effectively took several hours out of my already busy week.  There is definitely a tipping point where you find yourself on the downhill side of being too busy, and I think we found that this year. 

Our schedule this year looked something like this:

Sunday: Church, Youth Group
Monday: Shea to Therapy, Boy Scouts
Tuesday: Tuesdays with Mom, Choir
Wednesday: Youth Group
Thursday: Bagel Run, Bible Study, HIS Classes, Date Night
Friday: Sports Day

You can see this put one of the adults in this house out every evening, with some Fridays and Saturdays home.  I have had many people tell me to just hang on, it is a season….  And, that is honestly what got me through the year, but really, it was too much.

This week is the first week off of the majority of our activities, Youth Group will continue until the middle of June, but the bulk of them are done, so I’ve found myself this week taking a look around my filthy house and beginning to take stock of where I need to focus now that I have some time.  I’ve written out a new weekly cleaning plan, and started to catch up on all of the things that haven’t been done….  It will take me a few weeks to get a handle on this monster…

Through all of this craziness I maintained my running, sometimes better than others.  Last week I only got two runs in because the boys were gone on a camp out for 3 days, but this week has been an oddity.  I find myself at Wednesday and haven’t run a mile yet for the week.  I have been getting in activity each day, I started participating in a plank challenge with my MRTT chapter, and I’ve been doing some leg work and some push ups, but I haven’t RUN.  My main excuse is that the babies have been getting up early lately, and I am nervous about being gone and them getting up.  Normally I would just get one of the boys to come to the living room, but they’ve been just as busy as I have, so I’m trying to give them a week or two to rest too.  So, this morning I thought to myself, is it really THAT big of a deal that I haven’t run in 6 days?  In some ways it is, because you loose some endurance, but I don’t really have that much to begin with LOL…  But really, is it a bad thing for me to take a couple of days off?  I mean, my life has been so crazy these last several months, I think it really IS ok to take a few days, even a week or two, and regroup.  It hasn’t even been an option for so long.  And really, my next big race isn’t until the end of July, and even that one I can take down from a half if I need to, so if I’m going to take a breather, now is the time to do it, before I have to get training hard for my fall racing schedule.

So, I’ll go to the Bagel run in the morning, because I really, really do enjoy it.  But I’m giving myself permission to run my long run this week or not.  And next week I’ll be camping, so I’ll probably only get a couple of miles in then too.  I’ll take this time to work on some strength training that I’m generally worried about doing because I don’t want to be too sore to run LOL.  I really need strength training, and my lack of muscle really affects my run, so I need to get over that… (which is why I joined the plank challenge), and then once we get back from camping I’ll hit the roads hard again.  I just want to make sure that my training doesn’t become such a burden that I don’t enjoy running.  THAT would be REALLY bad, since it is like the one thing I do for myself… 

What do you think?  Have you ever taken a breather from something without dropping it entirely?

Tidy Up Tuesday- Continues

Well, the garage is more than a one week task….  It’s gotten BAD in there…  So, this week I’m going to continue working on the garage, and work on Valentine’s Day decorations.  Already my schedule seems to be getting the best of me and I’m falling behind.  I am determined to “Get in Front of It” as my good friend likes to say.  I need to tame this beast!!!! 

Last year we worked on our “Six List” and I know that when I do it, it is very helpful to me…  I need to start making my lists again. 

What about you?  How do you tame your beast?  (Whatever it may be)