Friday, January 01, 2016

New Year Thoughts

It's January 1, 2016.  I'm sitting in my living room drinking coffee, enjoying the quiet before the family gets up.  I've come to really try to savor these quiet moments, because, it seems, they are few and far between.  Every year I spend some time thinking about what the New Year holds.  I try to envision some of God's plans for me and my family.  I spend some time reflecting on the previous year before approaching my thoughts for the next year.  It's so important to know where you've come from in order to set your sights on where you're going.

Many years I've done a list of resolutions.  Some years I've broken it into categories.  Some years I've simply used a word to guide me through the year.  I think I'll use a word as a jumping off point this year:
I've spent a lot of time in recent months realizing that I'm very distracted a lot.  I've got WAY too much on my plate, and I'm being INTENTIONAL about clearing things off.  I spent a lot of time simply treading water, and not really swimming.  I lost control of my schedule a long time ago, and it's taking some time to get it back.

But there's more.  I sometimes feel like I'm just in a fog.  On my weekend away this past Fall God really spoke to me about the fact that I always feel like I'm missing out on my children, their lives are just passing me by even though I'm right here.  He told me I feel that way because I AM missing it.  I'm so busy trying to make sure the next task gets done, or fighting pure exhaustion, or allowing Facebook more time than I should etc that I am truly missing the things that matter the most to me.

This starts a downward spiral where I feel guilty, so I withdraw, usually into an electronic device, and miss more, get snippy etc.

So, for 2016 my main goal is to Focus.

Focus less on the world of the internet, and more on the people right in front of me.
Focus less on the struggles of the day, and more on the successes of the day.
Focus less on the amount of times I have to say no to my children, and more on the ways I can say yes.
Focus less on the dangers of Michael's job, and more on his dedication to our family.
Focus less on things I want, and more on the things I already have.
Focus less on being perfect (because I totally fail at that) and more on being present.
Focus less on being busy, and more on being healthy- physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially.


In 2016 as I look ahead there are so many things happening, and I don't want to miss even one.

Gregory will graduate this year and probably move out and head to college. I have a limited amount of time left with him here.  A limited time left with all of us living under the same roof.

Auston will spend the year preparing to marry Sarah in 2017.  Before I know it he will be the head of his own family, and that will be his main focus.  It all happens so fast.

Shea will turn 7, "the age of reason". Every day can be a day of healing or defeat for her.  I am part of that outcome. 

William will complete Kindergarten, his first year at school all day.  He struggles daily with feelings of fear of abandonment.  He needs so much to know that I'm all in, especially during the times that we're together, and he's not at school.

Michael and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage.  It seems like these 20 years have gone by in an instant.  Very soon, I will have been married longer than I wasn't in my life.  He deserves my first fruits, not left overs.

These are just a few things, there are more to come.  There will be joys, there will be sorrows, there will be times of excitement and there will be times of ordinary.  No matter the time, no matter the circumstances, I want to be sure that through it all, the important stuff in my life has my focus.