Tuesday, June 28, 2011

GratiTuesday- Adoption Story Part 5

The story begins Here- and continues Tuesdays and Thursdays....

Each night we cried as we put Shea to bed.  Our hearts were breaking for us, our hearts were breaking for her.  When Shea came to us she came from a very loving foster family.  But she had many wounds from her time with her biological mother.  She had a hard time letting us completely into her heart.  Just a few weeks before court she had finally decided to let us completely in.  Even at only 10 months we could tell when she really let down her walls and let us in.  Now we feared that she would never do that again with anyone if she was removed from our home.  We knew that we would be ok as a family with her gone.  We didn't get in to foster care because we wanted to have more children, or because our family didn't feel complete.  We knew we would be fine as just the 4 of us again.  But, we were absolutely terrified for Shea.  We knew that the family who was to take her loved her and it wasn't a concern to us of whether she would be well cared for or not.  Our concern was that she had finally felt safe enough with us and now she was going to experience yet another loss.  Even though her biological family didn't take care of her, being removed from her biological mother still caused a great deal of loss for her at just 3 months old.  And, from birth to 3 months she learned that she couldn't count on anyone to care for her needs, whether it be affection, food, grooming, shelter, or even consistency.  She was removed from her and brought into a family who loved her very very much.  But just 2 short months later she experienced that loss again and came to our house.  This time she didn't let us in so quickly.  Already at 5 months she had learned to keep her guard up, so she didn't get her heart broken.  Finally, she relaxed and started to really love us.  Started to really hug us.  Started to let herself even need us.  Now we had real fears that she wouldn't do this again.

Four days after court our CPS worker called me.  She asked me if I had a minute to talk.  I went outside so I could hear.  I can remember what the sky looked like.  I can remember the grass.  I remember the blooms on my Crepe Myrtle Tree.  I remember how the world melted away as she spoke.  She told me she was about to transfer Shea's case and she was praying about it and she decided that Shea needed to stay with us.  Remember just 4 days before she was absolutely sure of her decision to send Shea with her siblings.  I didn't even know what to say.  I didn't know whether to believe her or not.  I was afraid to trust.  But I knew that if she stayed with us that GOD Himself had intervened, because this was not an option at all 4 days before.  I thanked her for being true to what was best for Shea, and for prayerfully caring for the future of our daughter.

Then she told me that the biological mom had had the baby............  (Remember Shea is only 10 months old LOL)......

To be continued :)

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