Well, a few months ago I was so excited to receive a letter from my mother saying that she wants to start passing cards back and forth and trying to rebuild our relationship. I eagerly jumped on the train, so excited that my mother and I might be able to bridge some sort of relationship. I knew that it would never be the relationship I had longed for, but if we could at least have something I would be grateful. We’ve sent cards back and forth and even exchanged gifts at Christmas (something we haven’t done for years). I really felt like we were getting somewhere. Then this morning my sister tells me that my mother had her will rewritten to give everything to her boyfriend.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It isn’t that I want my mother’s money. Actually, she really doesn’t have any at all. It’s the sentimental stuff that bothers me. She has the piano I learned to play on. She has the heirloom Christmas ornaments that belonged to my great grandma. She has the Grandfather clock that MY grandfather MADE that is supposed to be passed down to me. She has the tables that my grandpa made out of tree trunks. Countless items that belonged to my grandparents and great grandparents. Those items should stay in the family. None of them are really worth money, and I don’t care about their monetary value.
So, now I’m faced with how to deal with this. I forgave her for all of the many things she has done over the years that have been hurtful, and it took a lot of work and prayer to get there. Now I have to start over. I have a whole new thing to forgive her about. I am also in a place where, I really am not even sure I want to continue to try to have a relationship with her because there’s constantly something going on that is hurtful to me or my children.
And I wonder, why now? This is something she’s talked about for years, but has never had the money to get it done. And she’s known all along how I felt about it. So why at the same Christmas when she tells me she has no money for Christmas so she’s sending the kids something little (a meat and cheese basket for the boys, for example) does she come up with the money to do this as her Christmas present to her boyfriend? Why do it and Why tell my older sister? Why? Why Why Why? We were making such progress.
I know for one thing that I will never abandon my children, and in a weird way I’m thankful for all that has happened, because it is what caused me to want to open my heart to my two youngest. I’m in prayer for peace and forgiveness, and for right now I’m just going to be still. I’m not going to send anymore correspondence, and I’m going to wait for God to heal my heart and help me to forgive her….. Again….