I have a lot going on in my thoughts right now. There is a good bit of unrest among some of my closest friends and I have them in my thoughts and prayers constantly. I feel very weighted down by the amount of “Stuff” that is going on around me. My need for control drives me to want to go in and fix things for my friends. My empathy for them makes me writhe in pain and cry out in prayer. My past life experiences tell me that things are not always as they seem and we should approach some life circumstances with caution. My faith tells me that God is always in control. My head knows that even forgiven sin has consequences.
It’s a lot to balance. I’m having a hard time finding myself in the mess. I’m ok with that, because if I’m called to a season of prayer for my friends, then I’m honored to do it. It’s just overwhelming sometimes. And, while I’m in deep prayer for my friends I know that I’m doing something to help them with their various struggles, but I still feel like I’m not doing anything to help them. I’m a doer. A fixer.
As I’ve gotten older, however, I’ve learned that some things need to remain unsaid. I’ve learned that it’s easy to overstep when your intention is to help. I’ve learned that sometimes help isn’t help. So, I pray. I pray that God would direct my actions. I pray that God would open my mouth when it needs to be opened, and shut it when it needs to be shut. I pray that God would protect my friends, and cover them with peace. I pray that I would stay out of HIS way! And, I pray that above all else HIS WILL would be done.
There are many times in our lives when it’s so tempting to try to direct God’s will. We really resisted it hard in the foster system. Sometimes better than others. We learned a lot about God’s will through that. But, it’s still hard when you have to go through hardships and scary times to not try to be in charge, or put God in a box. And, by put God in a box I don’t just mean not acknowledge His awesome power, but I also mean that we expect a certain answer for our prayers.
So, as I pray for my friends and their different needs I pray a pretty consistent prayer- that God’s will would be done, that above all else we would get out of His way, and that we would have peace at the end of the day, no matter the outcome, that He is in control.