Well. As I write this post I am in a bit of shock. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, or know me personally you know I have a very, very rocky relationship with my mother. It’s been such a long, and difficult journey, which has climaxed at a point of absolutely no communication between the two of us, with me even promising her that I wouldn’t try to contact her again. It is a road consumed with pain. I will not sit here and tell you that I don’t have a bit of responsibility for us getting to this point. I (as I am sure is true for her also) have spent countless hours trying to find a way to make things better between the two of us only to be disappointed when I end up making them worse. I can’t put into words how much pain there is there.
Over the past couple of weeks a few things have happened. My mother has been HEAVY on my heart lately. I’ve been in deep prayer for her, asking God to soften her heart towards me, but praying His will above all else. About a week ago “Shea’s” Behavioral specialist asked the question, “What impact does your relationship with your mom have on your relationship with your own children?”…. I felt like I’d been sucker punched. I don’t even know where to begin with that! Sunday I was in church and having a particularly difficult day with my daughter, who suffers from Sensory Processing Disorder, causing her to act out behaviorally. I went up for communion, and, as I do often, I prayed that I was taking my communion on behalf of my mom, and I began to sob. I found myself begging God to grant her peace in her heart. I don’t even care anymore about reconciliation, I just want her to have peace. I want her to know I love her, but not at the expense of her peace. I sobbed before God.
Well, I got the mail today (Monday) and there was a letter from my mom…… It looked friendly enough…. I haven’t gotten a letter from her that wasn’t mean in almost 10 years, so friendly isn’t by any means guaranteed. But, I just felt like it was going to be ok. I opened it and read it. It was not mean! She even went through some events that we have shared in our lives that brought her joy. She told me she wants to try to reconcile……..slowly….. Could my prayers be finally getting answered? I tell you the truth when I tell you, this has to be an act of God. There is no other explanation.
So, I’ll read over her letter several times. I’ll cherish every word. I’ll thank God for HIS work in this. And, I’ll ask for your prayers that HE continue to work mightily in BOTH of our hearts. My prayer for years has been, “God, please part the Red Sea between us and allow us to walk on dry land back to each other.