Monday, December 19, 2005

Does it ever end?

I want to know, does it ever end? I wonder, does there always have to be something going on in life that causes stress and pain? My mom and I have had a very strained relationship since she decided to divorce my dad back in 2001. It really has little to do with that decision, but that was when everything changed with us. Shortly after that she started dating her boyfriend that she has now. I have never liked him, but honestly hoped it was because I was bitter over the divorce, but also knowing in my heart that wasn't the case. The whole time we were growing up as young girls my mother drilled into us the way a man treats a lady, and what a "healthy" relationship looks like, and what a lady should see as warning signs that maybe this man or that man are not someone you want to share your life with. She is a domestic violence counselor, so we know a lot about domestic violence! Well, some of the things she has told us over the years are that you should be friends, you should be equals, you should also have your own identity. One of the major things she drilled into us is that you NEVER put a man before your children, no matter who he is. If he is not taking care of those children, or worse not treating them right not only are you responsible for keeping those children happy and safe, but that is a MAJOR warning sign that he is a bad dude. A man should NEVER yell at you to the point that you are afraid. Your spouse should be a safe haven for you, not someone to be feared. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, it seems that my mom has gotten herself into the very situation she drilled us about and tried to keep us out of. Her boyfriend is not a nice man. Over the last 5 years I have really gotten my feelings hurt over some things that she has done, but I am now beginning to see where they came from. For example, 2 years ago I spent 6 weeks in Utah with my dad so that I would be there when my grandpa got the call that there was an apartment available at the senior apartments where my grandma is. I wanted to be there to help get him moved. He and Grandma lived in there house for over 40 years and this was a very big deal to him. When the call came the only reason I even found out was because I had already scheduled a dinner with my cousin on that day and she had to cancel. Then I was informed that I was not invited because my mom's boyfriend was going to be there and they didn't want a scene. Now, let me break in here and just make the case that I had only ever met him one other time and that was when my aunt was in the hospital because she had a brain tumor and I wasn't invited there either for the same reason, but I went anyway! and NO, I did not cause a scene. I can not put into words how incredibly hurt I was that mom's BOYFRIEND could go, but not me the GRANDDAUGHTER!! That was a turning point for me with my family and now I really want very little to do with the whole lot of them. But anyway, this is just one example of the many things that have involved him and me. So, all this time I have been very hurt by this (and I still am) but now I see that it wasn't about me. It was about HIM! You see, my older sister went to see her daughter and stayed at my mom's one night. Apparently she said something that Mom's boyfriend didn't like and he commenced to start yelling and screaming at her about the fact that she is adopted and not my mom's natural daughter and she should understand that their relationship is going to be different.. yada yada yada... This went on for more than 30 minutes and my mom did NOTHING! You can imagine how horrible this was for my sister. Then a couple of weeks ago she stayed at my mom's again while visiting her daughter and again they disagreed (this time about whether she should have shock therapy for her depression or not) and this time my mom actually agreed with Terrie, which sent him into a complete rage where he was pounding his fists into his head and screaming at the both of them and ultimately ended up leaving because "he wasn't going to be disrespected in his house!"

Well, as you can imagine this is very concerning. My mom says he has only done it a couple of times and he is working on it. Yet, when Terrie called him the next week to ask him what the hell his problem was he screamed at her that she was a f*cking lying b*tch and he was not going to play her F-ing games while my mom was sitting right there. My sister is going to be in town for Christmas and has told my mom that she will not be at the family Christmas Eve if he is going to be there. My mom said she wasn't going to exclude him for his past mistakes and she hoped that Terrie would reconsider. Terrie is very hurt that my mom is choosing her boyfriend over her grandchildren on Christmas (grandchildren that live 1500 miles away). I am absolutely shocked. For me it speaks volumes about the magnitude of this man's ability to manipulate her. I called her and told her I am very concerned. I am thinking of calling my aunt, but I am very unsure of what will happen with that. So, I am a big ball of stress over this, and my pain level with my arthritis has gone through the roof! I also, have accomplished very little with my business this month, I have one enrollment, but I was really hoping to get 4, and I only have myself to blame. I have been so emotionally wrapped up in this that I can't concetrate on anything else.

On the flip side we went and chopped down a Christmas tree this weekend. That was fun, I have never done that before. I hope you all have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love your comments! Thank you so much for taking the time to drop me a note :)