People often look at my family, a family who has adopted 4 children in addition to having our own 2 biological children with wonder. Sometimes we even scare people. Sometimes we intimidate people. The sheer size of us can be overwhelming. (Even to us)..... They think and say lots of things like, "You guys are saints to take in those kids", or "I could never do what you do every day", or "I don't know how you manage with all of those kids", or "I watch you and am amazed that you do it all on a Police Man's salary"......
I'll start with the salary- it isn't a lot, but when God is in control of our bread basket, suddenly 5 loaves feed 5,000. I really don't know how the math works, but I know that God gave us these children and He will provide for them. He does not provide for us to go on luxury vacations, or live extravagantly. I cook most of the time because eating out is very expensive for us. We save all year for Christmas, and when we go on big vacations we save for several years in anticipation. We spend more money on time together and experiences than we do stuff. We do not have one piece of new furniture in our house. But stuff isn't what is important to us. And our house is small. 1400 sq feet small. But it forces us to be together, and I am glad it's small. (most of the time)..
As for the rest of it, it isn't a pretty picture with a beautiful bow. It's a very painful one. The reason my faith is so strong, and that I love God the way I do is because the humans in my life have failed me. Why do I have such a heart for the orphans? Because I know what it's like to not have a mother's love. My children each have stories very different than mine, but I still can relate to their longing. As their mother now, I can promise them with absolute certainty that I will never leave them. As long as I can be their mother, no matter how hard they are I will not abandon them. Having my own difficult children has given me insight into what my parents had to endure when I was a child. I understand a little more now of what it was like to parent me. I do not understand how my mother doesn't want me anymore, but I do understand how hard I was to parent.
So, my desire to take care of these kids does not come from some super wonderful part of me. It comes from deep pain. It comes from a desire that my children will never feel like I do.
My love for them is sustained by my love for God. He is my true Rock. He sustains me and comforts me when I feel alone, or when I feel unloved or unwanted. He always wants me. And through His always wanting me I am taught what true love is.