I've been doing a lot of soul searching over the last couple of years because it seems like no matter what I do I just can't seem to keep up with life. If you watched my Facebook or Instagram feed you would probably be led to believe that I have everything together and have the perfect life. Isn't that what those feeds do?
But the reality is that I get up every morning, and before I even have my coffee I feel behind. I still have lingering tasks that I didn't get to yesterday because of one reason or another, and I never feel like I have "arrived" at adulthood. You know "adulthood", right? That mythical time in ones life when they are finally responsible with their time and money and energy... That time when all of the pieces of the evening meal are magically done at the same time, which is also the right time, and everyone eats with perfect conversation and until they are perfectly filled. That time when your house is not in disrepair, and is always tidy, and your bed is always made.... This time does exist, doesn't it?
I think it is similar to "normal". What is "normal", anyway? I don't even have a mythical definition for that!
What I am beginning to believe is that we all have this unrealistic view of how life is supposed to be, and we are striving for something that no one really has. It's actually a figment.
In July, my family spent two weeks on vacation. We went first to Utah and visited with my Aunt and other family there. I was reunited with my bestie for a few short days, which was wonderful, because other than my husband, she is where my soul feels at home..... and then we went to Colorado to visit with my Dad and brothers and niece there. While we were visiting with my Dad, he was talking about a conversation he had recently had with a friend that went like this:
Friend:, "I'm not sure you'd like my family, it is quite dysfunctional"
Dad:, "Is there any other kind?"
Isn't that a freeing statement? Is there any other kind? You see we all have our own form of "dysfunctional" that follows us. There is not a single one of us who "has arrived". I honestly believe that to be truth. And, our desire, our drive to show the world through social media that we have, in fact arrived is causing people everywhere to feel unworthy, and unloved.
There are times in life when people truly are unloved. Times that are terrible for people. There are people in every society who feel outcast, unworthy, even worthless. There are people everywhere who wonder on a regular basis if the people around them would be better off without them. And people every day who believe that lie and take the situation into their own hands. When this happens the people around them are forever changed, forever missing an important piece of their heart.
There are times when people are rejected by people they love, by their parents, their spouse, their friends.
There are times when we, as society cast people out because they don't act like us, think like us, look like us.
There are times when we truly don't measure up- maybe we don't get the job we wanted, or the achieve a goal we set.
What I'm saying is, there are plenty of real times in our lives when we will not make the cut, or people around us will not accept us for who we are. This is as old as time. There will never be a time on this earth when that isn't true; so let's not add to that heartbreak by comparing ourselves to others on social media. It's a battle you won't win, because what is on social media is merely a snapshot of one's highlight reel.
So, back to exhausted. I've got a lot of balls in the air any given moment. It's part of being a mom. It's part of being a mother of a Type 1 Diabetic. It's part of being a wife of a police officer. It's part of being an adoptive parent. It's part of being a parent of traumatized children. It's part of being part of a large family. There are just......a lot of balls. That's the reality. Some of them will drop. But, I am finding some things to be quite helpful to me, and I'll be sharing them over the next several weeks as we get ready to go "back to school"
For now, I just want you to know that, whatever you're feeling. However you feel inadequate, someone else feels that way too. And, you don't have to face that inadequacy alone. You have a loving Father who already knows how you feel. He already knows all of the ways you fall short. You don't have to explain yourself to Him. All you have to do is rest in Him.