An Open Letter to the Episcopal Diocese of Texas, the Editor
of the Magazine the Diolog; Carol Barnwell, The Bishop of Texas, and Publisher
of the Diolog; the Right Reverend C. Andrew Doyle, the National Office of the
Episcopal Church, and All Christians everywhere:
Today I come to you broken.
I come to you hurting. I come to
you in a state of sorrow. I come to you
as a fellow Christian, a wife of a police officer, the mother of 4 children, 2
of whom are black children, and a lover of all of God’s people.
Recently Police Officer Darren Goforth was murdered less
than a mile from my church. I learned of
this murder on my way home from the grocery store, and returned home to find my
husband getting his Police uniform ready for his shift. My mind was reeling. I wanted to scream. I did scream in my car when I saw the
news. I wanted to grab a hold of my
husband and never let him go. I wanted
to breathe in the scent of him, because I knew the killer was still out there,
and I feared my husband would be next. I
wanted his very essence burned into my soul.
As I walked in, I was crying, and I just wrapped my arms around him and
continued to weep. No words were spoken
between us. We held each other and
cried. Then, as he does every night at
that time, he put his uniform on. I
watched him put his vest on, and I realized how heavy it is, but also how
little of his body it covered. And as he
put his uniform shirt and his gun belt on, the walls around me seemed to
melt. It was like I was not even in this
world. I had no words, no thoughts, and
I could barely see. The pain on my
husband’s face was some of the deepest sorrow I have ever seen on him. Sorrow in his face has been growing recently
as cops are vilified in the news and on social media, but this- this was
different. He was changed by this in
that instant. He dressed and left for
work. We embraced once more, but very
few words were said. It was the quietest
I’ve seen my husband in a long time.
The news of this shook me to the core, and shook many in our
nation to the core. I wish I could say I
was shocked that it happened, but the part I was shocked by was not THAT it
happened, but WHERE. As the wife of a
Peace Officer I’ve heard of a growing number of people who are specifically
targeting police officers around the nation, but I didn’t think it would happen
in my city. I didn’t think it would
happen in my area of town. As my
community tried to make sense of this we attended a prayer vigil at the gas
station, and we joined with other churches and attended a prayer march from the
corner our church sits on to the gas station and back, praying, and thanking
the officers. Inside, as I marched, I
had so many emotions. I was numb, I was
heartbroken, I was scared, and I was joyful.
Numb because I just could not make peace with this crime, heartbroken
because a wife and children do not have their hero with them any longer, scared
because my own husband has spent many a night in his patrol car in the parking
lot of my church because it is a centrally located spot to the areas he
patrols, and joyful because I saw so many people, and so many colors, coming
out to join together in love and unity.
This same weekend, just hours after Deputy Goforth was taken
from us members of the “Black Lives Matter” movement were also marching in
Minnesota. There’s was a different
message; “Pigs in a Blanket, Fry ‘Em Like Bacon,” and other members of this
movement took to twitter with comments about how “He Probably Deserved It”, and
even video responses from members of this movement talking about how it is
“Open Season on Whites and Police Officers”, and a local Radio Host affiliated
with the Black Lives Matter Movement named “Sunshine” encouraged her listeners
to “get them alone, and from the back” just days prior to Goforth’s murder. The worst part of this is that it isn’t new,
these messages have been coming from this movement for a long time. This is so unfortunate, because the Black
Lives Matter Movement was started by two women with intent to give voice and
purpose for change that provides for all people to feel valued. The problem with a movement that singles out
any race or people group is that you leave space for radicals to take over and
deface the mission of the movement. I
believe the tipping point has occurred now to the point that the Black Lives
Matter Movement is no longer a voice for positive change.
I’m usually able to
just shake it off, but this weekend was different. It felt like vile coming from multiple
directions, and I was surrounded by the wounded. The law enforcement community was so wounded,
and continuing to be wounded by even more officers lost over the weekend and at
the beginning of the following week- at this writing 8 Police Officers in just
9 days.
And then, on Monday, I received my issue of the “Diolog”
Magazine, a publication put out by the Diocese of Texas, and was immediately
drawn to read it. The cover had a
beautiful picture of a black Jesus, and the cover read, “Towards a beloved
community: Facing Racism”. In my mind,
the prayer march and vigil were just that, movement towards a “Beloved
Community” and I hoped there would be more stories of events like this, and of
ways we are uniting across racial lines in the face of our nation being ripped
apart by the national rhetoric.
What I found inside was not what I hoped for.
On Page 4 Carol
Barwell writes, “And I am certain that Sandra Bland should not be dead and
buried after being pulled over for failing to signal a lane change”
Sandra Bland’s death is tragic, as all suicides are, but
blaming her death on the arresting officer- especially when her death occurred
3 days later after multiple calls to her family and friends were left
unanswered just doesn’t make sense to me.
I think most people agree that the officer could have done a better job
of deescalating the situation, but that’s all based on what we see on the
video, and not the whole picture. And
are the editors of this magazine and Bishop Doyle, who is the publisher of the
magazine aware that protestors harassed the arresting officer in his home to
the point that he and his family had to move out for fear of their safety? Why do you not speak out against this as
well? If you’re going to speak out on
one side, you should also speak to the opposing injustice. Or, perhaps some education on how the person
being pulled over could also deescalate by respecting authority, and following
directions. A lot of situations in life
are made better by simply acting respectfully, and it often only takes one
person to change the tone of the conversation.
On Page 8 the Rt. Rev.
Eugene Taylor Sutton, bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Maryland writes, “In
the past four years alone, there have been more than 30 documented cases of
unarmed African American men and women who’ve been shot and killed by police
officers or security guards. In each of
those cases, why was the choice made to point a gun at, and shoot, an unarmed
citizen?............ Each of those black lives mattered- if not to all of us,
then at least to God- and all of them deserved to have the preservation of
their life valued in our society”
“There is reason to be afraid of some of the
neighbors in many of our communities.
But when the police- the very people who are supposed to protect us from
predators roaming our streets- are themselves the ones who are killing our
folks- then that gives rise to rage”
As I read this, I’m taken aback by the blanketing statement
that leads the readers to believe that police do not value the lives they
serve. What I will say on this is that
at NO TIME, EVER does a Police Officer WANT to use his firearm. EVER.
Let me be clear: If ANYONE values
life, it is the very men and women in Blue who are out there defending the
preservation of lives every single day. The
truth is that when a person calls 911 for help, they are not asked what color
they are, or how much money they make etc.
Regardless of race, social status, or even if they’ve called before, an
officer comes. If there’s danger
present, an officer comes. They don’t
ask questions before coming to the aid of their citizens. Color is not a determining factor in their
desire to serve their community.
Being the wife of a police officer I come in contact with
many officers, officers of every race, color, creed etc. I have NEVER met a SINGLE officer who wanted
to kill ANYONE. EVER. And, the ones who have had to use their
firearm are forever changed as a result, often needing counseling and other services
to cope with the fact that they had to harm or kill someone in order to preserve
their life, or someone else’s. It’s a
decision they all know can come, and they work through scenario after scenario
after scenario in training, but when it really happens they are never glad
about it. Making these blanket
statements are harmful to our men and women who are fighting so hard to
preserve our safety. Just because an
assailant is unarmed, does NOT mean he or she is not dangerous, or able to kill
or harm someone. And contrary to what
you may think, those lives that were lost, at the hands of officers, mattered
to the officer too.
Page 12 encourages our
membership to join black lives matter and other groups like it, even giving
twitter handles and hashtags to follow as if they were credible new sources.
It should be noted that twitter and other social media are
filled with much rage and often lack credibility and the entire truth. And, while the Black Lives Matter Movement
was begun with good intentions, radicals within and associated with the movement
have given rise to a direction that not only was not the original desire, but
perhaps even drives it in the opposite direction.
On Page 15 Rev. Kelly
Brown Douglas implies that our police officers are killing Jesus- “As you did
it to one of these black male bodies you did it to me”
What really concerns me the most here is that I see a root
of bitterness in the hearts of the leaders in our church that leaves little
space for love and unity. I believe we
are all tasked with guarding our hearts against such bitterness wherever and
whenever it tries to spring up.
On Page 19 Scott
Bader-Saye writes, “On the other Hand,
if a candidate is not willing to say, without qualification that “Black Lives
Matter,” how can we trust that she or he will, in fact, work to change the
current patterns of policing that make black lives disposable?”
This word disposable is such an inflammatory word, I’m not
sure how inflammatory statements bring unity and healing to our community? The Book of Common Prayer asks the question
in the Catechism: What is the Mission of the Church? The mission of the Church is to restore all
people to unity with God and each other in Christ. There are many ways to care for our
communities, prayer being one of the most important. We should never limit ourselves to one way of
caring for our community so as not to limit God’s direction as we embrace each
other’s needs.
Racism is defined as “The belief that all members of each
race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race; Prejudice,
discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race
based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.” When placing this definition with the
statement above, “if a candidate is not willing to say, without qualification
that ‘Black Lives Matter,’ how can we trust that she or he will, in fact, work
to change the current patters of policing that make black lives disposable” I
can see how this definition of racism actually applies to the written
statement. Again, unity is so important,
and singling out one race for any reason does not promote unity, and therefore
drives away compassion and change.
There are reasons these articles and the Black Lives Matter
movement upsets me so much that may surprise you, however.
I stated at the top
of this letter that I am the wife of a police officer. Obviously, as his wife this rhetoric hurts me
very much, but what hurts more, is seeing the pain in his eyes when he tells me
night after night how he is taunted, called a racist pig, accused of “looking
for a black man to kill” when there is no truth to it. It’s listening to him worry about how to
connect with, and protect people who hate him based on their opinion that
because he’s white police officer he’s inherently racist.
As the friend of many police officers, it grieves me to hear
black officers speak about being on similar scenes where they too, are taunted
for being in law enforcement, and called horrible names like Uncle Tom and
others I will not write here. They too,
lament over how they long to find a way to show their true desires to the
community they work in and love.
I stated at the top of this letter that I am the mother of 2
black children. As the mother of black
children this movement grieves me because I want so much for my children. As abused children, they have suffered
greatly already in their short lives, and as their adoptive parents my husband
and I want so much to heal them in every way possible. We do not want them to be looked down upon,
or feel like they have any value less than anyone else around them. I do believe that a large majority of people
involved with the black lives matter movement want this too. I believe the bulk of people desire for
people to feel they are as God sees them- equal. The problem is, when you single out any race,
or people group, or profession, you automatically exclude someone else. The end result of this tactic is division,
and not unity. Division gives birth to
desperation, desperation, fear, and when people are fearful and desperate they
do not respond in love. A house divided
will fall. Additionally, when you follow
movements that get their momentum from lies and exaggerations, you’re not
following the truth. While this was not
the original intent, “Black Lives Matter”
got most of it’s initial burst of energy from the lie that Michael Brown’s
hands were up, and Darren Wilson was a racist.
Neither of these are true at all.
As the criminal behavior is glorified and the cops are vilified society
loses it’s moral compass. As we travel
further and further down the path without our compass instead of giving equal
value to all, we have found ourselves more divided than ever. I don’t want my children to be stained by
society’s idea that we are anything but all God’s people. I don’t want them to believe that, because of
their color, they are somehow of less value to anyone, or that because of my
color, I am somehow of less value. I
don’t want to believe ANYTHING about ANYONE based SOLELY on their color or
profession.
I mentioned at the top of the letter that I am a Christian,
and a lover of all of God’s people. As a
lover of all of God’s people this divide in our society is very painful to
watch. We are turning on each other in
vile ways more and more, and this is not what Christ would have us do. We are segregating ourselves from each other,
each color (not just blacks and whites, but others as well) fearful of saying
the wrong thing to the other, and retreating in what seems like safety in
silence, but silence can often be deafening.
In our attempt to not harm another by saying something that isn’t
politically correct, we actually harm each other by not speaking to each other
at all. And when polarizing movements
take hold, the very unity we all long for is tossed to the side, because if
that person is not yelling the same statement I am, they must be against me.
Here’s what I know.
As a Christian, I’m called to love.
I’m called to love the world as Jesus does. I believe with every single ounce of my being
that God created each of us unique on purpose.
And I believe that if God created us each unique beautiful individuals,
then, as a follower of Christ, I am to find the beauty in each person I meet. I’m to believe, as Christ does, that they
hold the same value as I do, and to seek to find the places where we are the
same as well.
The other thing I know is this: The times in my life when I
have been changed the most, have been the times when I was loved the most.
Are there bad police officers out there? I’m sure there are. But, there are systems in place, and the bulk
of the officers out there are good men and women, who do the job they do
because they care about the community around them. There are teachers who abuse children, there
are pastors who abuse children, there are doctors who abuse people, there are
bad people in every single profession out there. To vilify all for the bad that one does is
not only unfair, but leaves those who are good wondering what they are fighting
for.
I believe the content of this magazine was intended to
reinforce that black lives really do matter, however it feels like a direct
attack on our law enforcement community.
I also believe the content of this magazine does not provide
the vision of unity or healing that the Book of Common Prayer calls us to, and
that our communities need so deeply.
The divisive language used throughout does not produce hope,
it does not produce compassion.
As Christians, we are called to love each other. We are called to unity. As a member of the Episcopal Church I am
deeply grieved that my Diocese, and the national church have not taken the time
needed to educate themselves on the whole picture, and as a result have failed
at guiding our community towards full unity and wholeness.
I do believe the intent to be honorable. Perhaps more prayer on the subject would be
good. Perhaps an interest in hearing the
voices of the officers around the nation and an attempt to truly understand
their hearts would be a good place to start.
Peace officers do not desire to do harm to the communities they
serve.
I don’t want to close without speaking to the fact that
there have been atrocities to the black community in our nation’s history. It is in grief for these events and a desire
for no person to feel oppressed that a passion burns in my heart to speak to
what I believe will provide for the real change we all desire.
1 Peter 2:1 “therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all
deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of any kind.”
If the church wishes to do good for it’s community, which I
believe it does, it should start by examining where the views furthered by the
church are isolating another, and work to bridge the gap. It should be a champion for unity. It should not have such a deep desire to
align with culture, instead work to rise culture up to it’s values. Sacrificing values to reach people rarely
will result in a changed heart. We are
in the business of changing hearts. We
are in the business of loving.
As I close, I’d like to challenge you.
I’d like to challenge both the Bishop and the Editor of this
magazine to take some time seeing what these officers deal with. Contact a local law enforcement agency and
ask to do a ride along. Don’t ride in the
day, ride at night. Ride in a high crime
area. See what these officers see. And then, be part of the team that ministers
to officers.
To the Christian lay person reading this I challenge you
too. Get involved in a true
solution. Speak to people who don’t look
like you. Speak to officers as
well. Listen to their stories. Listen to the stories of people who have been
hurt as well. Listen to their
hearts. Help the hurt around you- the
Black community, Hispanic, Asian, - all communities, and the officers who are
all hurting come to a place of forgiveness and grace towards each other. Join a chaplaincy group if you’re able. If you truly want change, know that true
change, lasting change begins with love.
Wherever your compass leads you, be sure that it is based in love for
all. People change the most when they
are loved.
