So, it has become clear this week with the sibling visit and all that our chances of keeping the chickadee are becoming less and less. So we are faced with dealing with that possiblity and learning to rely on God through it all. We didn't come into foster with the intention of adopting, but came with the attitude that this is what God has told us to do, and whatever the outcome we trust God. Easy to say. And easy to do in some ways. Today on my way to church I was having a very emotional day. My pastor and friend is going to another church (loss) and I don't know how long we'll have Shea (more loss)... I wasn't having a sad day, just emotional. I cried on the way to church. I cried because I miss my mom. I wish I could go to her through this time. I cried because I don't know how I'm going to stand on two feet while I give my baby to someone else. I just don't know.
"Come to me all ye who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest"
"I know the plans I have for you...."
"yea thought I walk through the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me Lord"
First, Thursday in Bible study (as I had to go without Shea while she was on a visit that meant more than I wanted it to) the devotion was all about trusting God in the face of loss. Of loss! Can you believe that??
Then today after church a lady came up to me and introduced herself. She's new to our church and a Daughter of the King (I'm the president of our chapter), so I wasn't surprised. And with her came her husband and their African American little girl (they're white)... She asked if we were fostering Shea and I told her yes, and she asked if we were planning on adopting her and I said we wanted to, but it's not looking good for us right now. And her husband (who I had never met before today) wrapped his arms around me and said some of the kindest words, he said, "We will hold you up as you walk this road"... Just before church I had been talking with another Daughter about her sister and the fact that she has Alzheimer's and she was sharing with me how much it meant to her to have me to talk to because if you haven't walked the road you just don't understand. I agreed. Well, as it turns out Donna and Nick were foster parents for many years and eventually adopted their daughter (after a 5 year long battle)..... So they've walked the road. They've walked the road of giving her up too- she went back to her mom for a year and a half....
It's like every time I start to think, I don't know God, this is too hard... He sends me a sign or someone... It's like He's saying to me, just be obedient and I will take care of you...
It's not easy. And it won't be. And we have a rough road ahead of us, but we will fear no evil because God is with us.