Singing Saturday-You Love Me Anyway

Some days I feel really like a failure.  I feel like a hypocrite, and an embarrassment.  But God.  God knows my heart, He knows that I try, He knows how much I hate to let people down, and worse, let Him down.  Human love is conditional.  God's love is unconditional.  :)  He knows your hear too.  Let Him love you anyway.

You Love Me Anyway-Sidewalk Prophets

The question was raised

As my conscience fell

A silly, little lie

It didn’t mean much

But it lingers still

In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk

On the edge of this world

To spread my dreams and fly

But the future’s so far

My heart is so frail

I think I’d rather stay inside

But You love me anyway

It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known

Yes, You love me anyway

Oh Lord, how You love me

How You love me

It took more than my strength

To simply be still

To seek but never find

All the reasons we change

The reasons I doubt

And why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway

It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known

Yes, You love me anyway

Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in Your crown

But You love me anyway

I am the sweat from Your brow

But You love me anyway

I am the nail in Your wrist

But You love me anyway

I am Judas’ kiss

But You love me anyway

See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd

For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground

Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face

With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace

And then alone in the night, I still called out for You

So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway

Oh, God… how you love me

Yes, You love me anyway

It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known

Yes, You love me anyway

Oh Lord, how You love me

Yes, You love me, Yes, You love me

Yes, You love me, Yes, You love me

How You love me

How You love me

How You love me

Family Time Friday- Cozi

I’d like to share a free online tool I’ve started using with you.  It’s called Cozi and you can keep your to do lists, calendar, journal, shopping lists, etc in there.  There’s even an app for your phone so you can access it on the go as well.

You can assign to do lists to other family members, or create multiple lists for yourself.  In my Cozi I have To-Do lists for everyone in the family, and then for myself I have several that I work off of:  Weekly To Do List, Daily Routine, My actual To-Do List, My list of things I want to do for the kids, for the husband.  You can also import other online calendars, so if you follow FlyLady, for example, you can import her calendar, or you can import a calendar that tells you when new movies are released etc.

If you haven’t tried Cozi yet, I highly recommend it!

Thoughtful Thursday-Continuing the Adoption Story

People often tell us how great they think we are for adopting our kids….  And that statement is usually followed by something like “I couldn’t do that”….  I would disagree….  You see, our adoption story isn’t ours…  It’s God’s….  I began telling the story on Tuesday, go back and read that if you haven’t yet….

So, we completed our training and after a long process were licensed for Foster Care….  Now came the waiting.  By this time I was pretty anxious to get a baby…  It’s hard to look at a bunch of baby stuff with no baby.  I was excited for the plans God had for us and eager to get going

I have a friend who is often prophetic.  I tease her (in fun) because she tends toward the more “Spritual” type churches- where they pray in tongues and other things like that that that doesn’t happen often in my home church.  Her friendship has been such a blessing to me over the last 12 years.  She called me one day and asked if I’d heard anything from the foster agency.  I told her no, not yet, and she was surprised by my response.  She told me to stay by the phone because she was pretty sure I was getting a baby soon….. I said ok, and waited. 

The next day the foster agency called.  They asked if I would be willing to do some respite care.  Respite care, if you’re unfamiliar, is when a foster family cares for a child that is placed with another family.  This can be for 2 days- 2 weeks.  This family had a 5 month baby girl and had a busy weekend planned, and needed somewhere for her to go for the weekend.  I said yes immediately and then called Michael to let him know LOL.  Next I called my friend…

She asked me how long we were going to have her, – for the weekend I said…..  She said really?  I don’t think so- I think you’re going to have her longer than that…..  Ok, I said……

She asked me what she looked like…- I told her I didn’t know…  She asked me what race she was…..  I told her all I knew as she was 5 months old and a girl LOL…..  She told me she thought she was going to be African American with Chubby Cheeks……

She asked me what her name was…… I don’t know that either…..LOL…  I sure didn’t ask the agency any questions! I was just too excited!  LOL  She said she thought her name would begin with the “SH” sound……..

When I met the foster mom and picked up the baby……  Her name was Shea……

To be Continued

Wordless Wednesday- Swingin’

GratiTuesday-

As I sit ready to write this post, I’m having a hard time getting started.  Not because I don’t have anything to be grateful for, but because I have SO much to be grateful for.  So, as I shift through what to write about today, I think I’ll begin with God’s plans for our lives.

Throughout the entire foster-adopt process I used the scripture Jeremiah 29:11 as my mantra.  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”.  You see, we were only supposed to have my daughter for the weekend.  We were to provide respite care for another foster family.

Let me start at the beginning:

My husband and I began to fill called to do foster care about 3 years ago.  My husband and I are rarely on the same page, so when we both felt called we knew this was God’s work.    We started the process, by meeting with our foster agency, and had no expectations at all for the outcome.  While getting licensed our agency recommended that we get licensed for foster-adopt in case we got a child who needed a forever home.  They asked if we were open to adoption.  My husband was the first to say what I was thinking, “We don’t want to limit God, this is His plan, so yes, we’ll get licensed for both”.

We went through Pride classes, and already knew things were different.  The other families that we were going through Pride with were all set on adoption, many having some infertility issues.  We figured we would be the one family out of our classes to strictly foster, since there were so many wonderful couples who couldn’t have more children for one reason or another who wanted to adopt.  We don’t have an infertility issues, just felt called to help kids in the system.

Throughout the process of getting licensed there were many ups and downs, each I could write a post about (maybe I will!)…  One particular Wednesday I had prayer at the church.  I was scheduled to be at the church for silent prayer for an hour.  I had so many things going on I didn’t even want to go, but I had committed to being there, so I went.

As it turned out the other person who was supposed to be there didn’t make it, so it was just me and God in the sanctuary.  I sat in silence for a while, then I started praying and basically telling God about all of the problems that were arising through the licensing process and asking Him if this was His will or mine… 

I told Him I didn’t want to be on the Semalee Train, only the Jesus Train

I sat in silence for a while longer and then opened the Book of Common Prayer.

I opened it right up the page for the “Prayer of Thanksgiving for an Adopted Child”.

Um….. Ok….  There was my confirmation that this adventure was in fact, God’s Will, and not ours……

To be continued…..

This post is linked to Heavenly Homemaker for GratiTuesday

Menu Monday-6/13

Ok, so my WW week has definitely been better.  Still not totally there- with the adoption this week and the fact that I am soooooo an emotional eater, I’ve gone over my points for the week, but not anywhere NEAR as bad as last week   I also did get in some exercise this week and I’ve eaten a lot of fruits and veggies, so all in all it’s been a good week.  Last week’s post vacation weigh in showed a 2 pound gain, but honestly, I was glad that was all- I thought it was going to be more!  LOL

So, my goals for this week are to stay in points, exercise at least 3 times, and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.  My major challenge will be when my husband and I get to steal some alone time later in the week…… We’ll be eating out…..

Monday:  Baked French Toast, sausage, watermelon

Tuesday:  Beef Enchiladas

Wednesday:  Eating Out

Thursday:  Eating Out

Friday:  Chicken Dinner in the Happy Pot

Saturday:  BBQ Chicken and Potatoes

Sunday: (Father’s Day)  Burgers and Dogs on the Grill, Stuffed Jalapenos, Brown Butter and Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies

Supper Sunday-The Best Chocolate Chip Cookie Ever

You would think after 2 weeks of being gone I’d have some fabulous recipe for you, but actually, I’m just going to share some blog love.   

I’ve been a reader of Amanda’s blogs for a while now…..  She really has a way of motivating me ….  So, as my niece was here this weekend from her dorm at Rice, I decided to make all the roomies some cookies…  I went straight to Amanda’s Cookin.  There is so much good stuff on this blog!

I decided on The Best Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe Ever, and let me tell you, the name definitely speaks for the cookie!  Wanna know what the secret ingredient is?  You’ll be surprised!  Head over there and find out, and make a batch today!

Singing Saturday- When Love Takes You In

Had to do it…  A song about adoption from the perspective of an orphan.

When Love Takes You In-Stephen Curtis Chapman

I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

Family Time Friday- What is Family?

As we finalized our adoptions this week I had to take some time to think about what family is.  In Lilo and Stich they talk about “Ohana”- Family is forever.  *Now* I can say that about my family- family is forever!      

But, what I’m talking about today is what makes someone your family?  I had some of our family who were not able to attend the adoptions for various reasons, and some that chose not to be there for other reasons, and 2 days before the adoptions I was feeling a little sorry for  myself (I’m embarrassed to admit).  I was talking to another friend of mine about how frustrated and disappointed I was that it wasn’t a big enough deal to people I thought were important to be there to come.  I know people have other obligations, it just didn’t seem like it was  a priority to some, and a couple in particular.  I don’t know if it’s because we’ve had to babies for almost 2 years, so it didn’t seem like a big deal to them or what.  I tried not to let it hurt me, but it did.  I know the intention was not for it to be hurtful.  So, anyway, I was talking to my friend about it and she said something very profound that I want to share with you: 

“I'm sorry Semalee :( I know it's hard, but now that your family isn't "traditional", that means your extended family isn't either. And so those that will be there with you are your family. You know, since you've chosen adoption, that blood doesn't mean much!”

It really put things into focus for me.  And, as I really pondered I realized my family has really never been “traditional”.  I was adopted by my step-dad when I was about William’s age, my older sister is not a blood sister (adopted by heart into our family when she was 16), and, I definitely do not feel more love for my own sisters than my sisters-in-law anymore- we’ve been sisters for 15 years!  And, if you want to really be honest, over the last 15 years my mother-in-law has been more of a mother to me than my biological mother has.  My friend Michelle, with whom I’ve been friends with since High School (going on way too many years to post here now without making myself feel really old) is like a sister to me, and my kids call her Aunt and Her kids call me Aunt.  And, I have a dear friend at church who has decided to take on the role of Great Aunt to my children because she loves them so much.

I have a lot of friends, who I see fairly regularly and everything, but I do have a core of people that are more than that.  And, just like with any extended family, I’m closer to other sisters and brothers than others.  I know from my perspective, I do anything at all for Jeremy and his family, for example, and they would for us as well…  My friend Gwenn and I have walked together through the death of our niece, and the deaths of her mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law together, and she has been literally *right* by our side during this whole foster-adopt process.  She loves my kids as much as I do, and is now getting licensed for foster care too!  No, these people are not *just* my friends…… 

The people who were in the courtroom with us make it so special to us.  To know that those people were so supportive of our “Non-Traditional Family” really meant a lot.

We are family in the eyes of the state and the world now.  And, as I told Shea’s other foster family, THEY are our extended family forever now too.

No, family doesn’t mean blood.  It’s means being there for each other.  And, we’ve got a whole slew of family!

Thoughtful Thursday- Feelings

I’m writing this post early (as I often do,) but I tell you because I’m writing it the night before we finalize the adoptions of our babies.  I have an enormous amount of feelings going through me right now, and by the time it is time for this post to go out hopefully these feelings will all be a distant memory, but I wanted to write them so I could remember how I felt tonight, so I can encourage others who may be in my same situation, and so I can share them with the kids later.

If you’re not familiar, we’re foster parents who are blessed to have two children joining our family forever tomorrow.  It seems like so long ago that we got them.  But, it was!  We got Shea almost 2 years ago, and William 18 months ago!  They’ve been part of us and we them from the moment we laid eyes on them.  They’ve never seemed like other people’s children.  They’ve always felt like mine.  Which has been very difficult over the past couple of years.  We haven’t known they would be staying forever the whole time, in fact we didn’t think they were staying on several occasions.  That does some weird things to your heart.  You love these precious children, and want to love them completely, with your whole heart, but you can’t, because, they’re not in fact yours…..  You do love them, and start to let them in, but keep some walls up for protection.  It’s hard to love a child completely, but maintain some walls too.  I’m being brutally honest here.  I would die for my kids, any one of them, but as we are now within 24 hours of our adoption finalization I am seeing where I have kept some walls up.

I feel really bad about that.  I feel like I’ve shortchanged them.  I’ll make it up to them for sure…. 

There are so many things that we have to deal with as foster parents that we just, deal with.  As I was shopping for court clothes it hit me that *this year* when I’m shopping for Christmas I can shop with a different confidence that the kids aren’t going anywhere.  Last year we had court just a few days after Christmas to determine our fate…..

This year I’ll be able to send out Christmas photos again…..  We haven’t sent out anything at all for 2 years because we wanted to include the babies and we couldn’t.

This year we can go on vacation without getting approval….

After tomorrow I can light candles in my house again….. And have a box fan running when it gets hot….

Most of all, as I soaked Shea’s pillow with my tears tonight when I put her to bed and told her, I’m going to get their hugs and kisses forever and ever and ever and no one will take us away from each other……..  You have no idea how this feels……… Do you know what it’s like to be afraid to tell your baby you’ll always be there for her because you don’t want to promise something you can’t guarantee……

But, tomorrow this will all be over, and we’ll be officially a forever family …..  It’s been a crazy road, a long road, a road filled with unexpected surprises (both good and bad), but it’s been God’s plan the whole time and it has been worth every.single.tear.we’ve.shed.

 

Wordless Wednesday- Mine!

GratiTuesday-Pride and Joy

My family spent Memorial Day weekend in Midland, TX, where we went to celebrate our niece’s graduation from High School.  We are so very proud of her for all of her achievements, and so glad that we could be a part of her life.  My husband’s brother has only one child, our niece, and we’ve worked really hard to be active parts of each others’ lives even though we live a little over 500 miles apart.  Several months ago Calley (our niece) said of Auston and Gregory (our older boys), “They’re more like my brothers than my cousins”.  Success!  That’s exactly what we have been going for all of these years as we’ve vacationed together and visited.  Royce and Jan have always worried a little about Calley not having any siblings to be there with her as they age, but she does!    And, we’re thrilled that our 4 children have such an amazing person to look up to!  It is so great to watch my older boys who are in and nearing high school look up to Calley with all she has achieved so far.  She’s not your average high school graduate, and I’m glad that’s what my kids are trying to model.

Calley graduated in the top of her class, left a few days later to do a research internship at MD Anderson for the summer and she will arrive at Baylor University this fall on a full ride scholarship.  She’s talked about cancer research for most of her life and she is now working diligently to achieve her goal.  She plans to come back to Houston for her Masters after graduating Baylor.  Nope, not your average High School Graduate.

I really can’t express how proud of her we are

What are you grateful for this GratiTuesday?

Menu Monday- 6/6

I’m Baaaaaack!!!!  After a much needed break, I’m back!  I’ll try to keep up daily, but I have to be honest, I kind of enjoyed my break!  I love blogging, don’t get me wrong, but it does take time, and I have a very limited amount of that lately……  I did miss blogging and the interaction on our facebook page a LOT, though!

So, in the WW department it’s been bad….  Surprise!  LOL  I’ve been on vacation, been out of town and had a LOT of things going on that were beyond my control.  I have to weigh in today, and it’s not going to be pretty at all, but I am going to weigh anyway.  I’ve got to stop the insanity!  I’m getting back on plan today, even though I have some very exciting things going on this week that you’ll hear about on Thursday

So, let’s get to it- here’s my menu for the week……

Monday:  Chicken Dinner in the Happy Pot, Watermelon

Tuesday:  Mexican Beans and Rice Casserole

Wednesday:  Ham and Beans in the Crock Pot

Thursday:  Chicken Tenders, Fries, Carrots

Friday:  Pizza

Saturday:  Fish Tacos

Sunday:  Baked French Toast